Hahaha anyone? :-(

I am losing my humour bone. I remember adding the humor tag to posts so often some time back. I used to be not able to stay serious for too long. But now its showing signs of withdrawal. Even in my talks. Well not entirely.

One set of people are not happy with my responses and find my involuntarily uncalculated responses too rude. For instance, if someone says hey that’s a good song and I like it I say ah very rarely you do show signs of homosapienism. Totally unintended to be hurting but there I am assuming too much. Cause something I consider silly may not be thought so by someone else. I learnt it when someone said something to me, apparently as a joke and I was offended. And he pointed out that this was something I always did to everyone – stress “on a pretty large scale”.

I don’t know an easy solution to this. Best one would be to know when and to whom you are cracking a joke at. Some people laugh with you and it’s a success, some people feel laughed at and you are a loser (and in potential danger). The when-part is equally important. Because there have been instances when the same friend who laughed for the same jokes proved quite annoyed on another instance – and wasted no effort in telling it lightly – so when you make an acquaintance its always good to think first – will she or will she not laugh at all times, has she shown a history of yelling/scratching at the initiator of bad jokes, will she in dire circumstances cling to physical attack? You get the picture, safety is most important.

But that’s one side of the story. On the other side there are people, who assuming my humor side is still strong and kicking make calls, throw something at me waiting to crack a smart one and shake them up in endless mirth. Unfortunately in an attempt to retain my funny-girl reputation I either say something entirely too clichéd or nothing at all – like I was too dumb to get it. Worst of all is my ejection of 2-worded attempts at laugh – a heh, a heh more and a ha.

Friend: joke-bait

Me (thinking): eh eh

Friend (not giving up): you see it is j-o-k-e b-a-i-t

Me (suddenly enlightened): oh yeah

Friend: So so (alas, that line of expectation)

Me: Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Friend: Eh?

Me: heh

Friend: Eh?

Me: Heh

Friend: Oh (realization finally setting in… shes lost it)

Me: Haha?

Friend: Hmm

So that’s the sad story. I have taken the somber path against my wishes. I am going to drown in Wodehouse or Woody Allen or Linwood Barclay for days now. And I will try Seinfield and Garfield and Helen Fielding – or I will just change my name to Wood Field – that’s obviously got to give out some good result.

Problems are a new world, suicide not its exit

When you are born you don’t have a reason to live – you don’t think if life is worth living. You don’t know anyone or anything and you go on to live. You learn to like the world, the people. When you go to school you are entering another new world – you don’t know what you will face there. And yet you go on to live. You go on to make friends, relationships.

Life would always put you in new worlds. Totally unfamiliar to you, totally new to you that it scares you to the core. Your problems are another such world. You are scared by it. Same way you were scared to enter the world (you might not have been, am not yet sure what babies have in mind when they are born – but all that crying cant definitely mean a happy thought), same way you were scared to go to school. Your problem is just another new world, a way out of which you may not be able to find immediately. But then why if you didn’t end your life, when you entered the world, when you entered your school, should you end it now? You should go on to live. That’s why you were born.

Explanation on why this entry: I just read Seema’s post on suicides and after commenting there, I wanted to write more. Not wanting to take up all of her comment-space I thought I will put it here.

5+1 addictions of life, another tag

Taking up Nims’s tag : list the top 5 addictions of life. As usual, making that 6.

1. Sleep or else day-dream: an angelic habit. You could shed brains, you could waste time and you could have your own set of double chins and your own little flab, and even nurture it – what fun! Sneeking in day dreaming after reading it another blog. Cant believe I missed it, thats what I do all the hours I am not sleeping!

2. Internet: Growl. You could put it to good use or you could use it to waste time. I am not going to reveal which choice is mine. Growl.

3. Magi Noodles: Great choice of food. You could give yourself the benefit of losing all fitness and turning into a fat unhealthy mess. If you are lucky, you could end up with appendicitis.

4. Books: Like them lots. I use it to stuff bags from library, to keep beside pillows, to pay huge fines and to not read. I know, life is so good!

5. Tom n Jerry and The Wonder Years: Absolute entertainment. You could waste time by watching 8^th and 9^th reruns. And after that switch to Top Cat and Full House.

6. Music: MP3 player or youtube constantly in use. When I can’t find both I use my mouth. You can play ‘em (youtube/mouth) aloud at 3 in the night. Your neighbors would appreciate that.

Stopping at 6. Friends from college would know I have a particular affinity/addiction for the number, most of them ended up writing 6 pages of curses, err praises in my autograph book. (Liz, Krips, Zac, Divs, Nims, Laks, Lovly, Sandeep listening?)

Thanks Nims, without this, my blog should have been inactive for long.

Tagging 6 –

1. Tedy – been a while since he wrote in any of his blogs – and that’s a lot!

2. M.Rose – absence a little too loud. Come back!

3. Kavi – newest blog friend. Not sure if he does tags, but it’d be interesting to read!

4. Hari – Tit for tat. Bad hair for good tag. Err that doesn’t make sense but take this up, will you?

5. Usha – I miss her…!

6. Silverine – Most famous blogger I know, well at least in my google reader. Guaranteed to be some promising entry!

I don’t like Gulmali!

I am going to post about someone called Gulmali today. Obviously its not the real name. It’s a she and someone I know. Why I want to write about Gulmali is because I don’t like her company, some things about her irk me. Here are a few instances

 Instance 1

“Be there at 5 tomorrow will you?” orders Gulmali

“Alright” says I

“Be sure. Otherwise I will have to stand alone and wait”

“Ok I will be there”, says I

Sad that I cant be late like I usually am (sad cause an organized life always came hard for me), I drag myself to the said place 1 minute before 5. Gulmali is not there. She arrives 15 minutes later happily, cheerfully.

“You are late”, I say

“I know”, says Gulmali happily, cheerfully.

No explanation, no apologies, no nothing! She just goes on with whatever business we went there for!

Me: Irked!

 

Instance 2 – which is an oft repeated one

I am talking to someone, say hmm, Shweesha (imaginary name again)

Gulmali comes and shakes my hand “Come come its time to go”

I try to wave to point out something she obviously missed – I was talking to someone.

This goes unnoticed and now Gulmali starts pulling my hand hard enough for me to be pushed along. It might be noted here that Gulmali was 2.5 times heavier than me. So that didn’t exactly leave me in a position to strip her hold on me, or for that matter like I really wanted, to push her down, jump over her and laugh ‘buhahaha’.

Me: Irked again!

 

Instance 3

Gulmali talks, Gulmali talks more, Gulmali talks non-stopped.

My turn comes when Gulmali stops to breathe. I say “Oh yea there happened this thing the other day”

Gulmali looks away, yawns, and looks indifferent till I get the message and stop in less than 60 seconds. So my tales are usually scripted this way

“There happened this thing the other day. (Sees Gulmali’s bored expression). And I forgot what it was”

Gulmali never knows that I even opened my mouth. She carries on with her tale, a little annoyed by the interruption, all loud and enthusiastic. And the whole earth shakes with her when she emits one of her bulldozer chuckles.

Me: Irked multi million times more!

 

I do not like bossy people! I don’t like dominating people! I don’t like people who only talk and wont listen. I don’t like people who don’t give a darn about your time or space! I don’t like Gulmali!

Sad, part 2 of Orissa post

My Orissa post was one of the loudest entries I made in the blog. And Srijith had actually asked me to quit writing humor and switch to politcal issues. I dont have any plans for that. But news in dailies are not changing and every other day things are taking a worse turn. Steadfast towards the wrong direction. Today I read in KT’s blog her concern and then a friend gave the link to a well-worded article from huffingtonpost of Shashi Tharoor. I was quite happy to see someone like him take the initiative to talk about it cause it matters a lot when a person who knew about the world enough to get a lot of respect from among the masses, to whom people were willing to listen to, came out to the forefront and took things up in hands. Added to that I was listening to heal the world a few times and somehow it carried a lot more meaning – today, now. For the children of this world, who knew not where or what they were growing up to.

Link for the video 

 
Lyrics: as taken from this site

spoken:
Think about the generations and to say we want to make it a better
world for our children and our children’s children. So that they know
it’s a better world for them; and think if they can make it a better
place.

There’s a place in your heart
And I know that it is love
And this place could be much
Brighter than tomorrow.
And if you really try
You’ll find there’s no need to cry
In this place you’ll feel
There’s no hurt or sorrow.
There are ways to get there
If you care enough for the living
Make a little space, make a better place.

Chorus:
Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me and the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough for the living
Make a better place for
You and for me.

If you want to know why
There’s a love that cannot lie
Love is strong
It only cares for joyful giving.
If we try we shall see
In this bliss we cannot feel
Fear or dread
We stop existing and start living
Then it feels that always
Love’s enough for us growing
Make a better world, make a better world.

Chorus:
Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me and the entire human race.
There are people dying
If you care enough for the living
Make a better place for
You and for me.

Bridge:
And the dream we would conceived in
Will reveal a joyful face
And the world we once believed in
Will shine again in grace
Then why do we keep strangling life
Wound this earth, crucify it’s soul
Though it’s plain to see, this world is heavenly
Be God’s glow.

We could fly so high
Let our spirits never die
In my heart I feel
You are all my brothers
Create a world with no fear
Together we’ll cry happy tears
See the nations turn
Their swords into plowshares
We could really get there
If you cared enough for the living
Make a little space to make a better place.

Chorus:
Heal the world
Make it a better place
For you and for me and the entire human race
There are people dying
If you care enough for the living
Make a better place for
You and for me.

Refrain (2x)

There are people dying if you care enough for the living
Make a better place for you and for me.
There are people dying if you care enough for the living
Make a better place for you and for me.

You and for me / Make a better place
You and for me / Make a better place
You and for me / Make a better place
You and for me / Heal the world we live in
You and for me / Save it for our children
You and for me / Heal the world we live in
You and for me / Save it for our children
You and for me / Heal the world we live in
You and for me / Save it for our children
You and for me / Heal the world we live in
You and for me / Save it for our children

Stint at thattu kada :-)

Long nourished dream came true today. Oh I see I have used that line before. No I didn’t see Yesudas again. This time it was a visit to a thattu kada (road side stall). The one time I went before, it was too early and I had to suffice with coffee (which actually was meant to be a birthday treat to a friend :D. At 4 Rs and 4 minutes hehehe) 

Today it was the right time in the evening. And three of us after planning for days, finally made it. Finally. It was a tad too hot which is what made thattu kada food thattu kada food. I have lost count of the number of dosas they gave. It’s tiny and yummy. My plate was a mess with all that food. And I really really enjoyed it. One more in the list of things to do in life, crossed out. Well I could do this more often but anyway, glad it’s done. Cause tomorrow might be a little too late to put off anything.

Pic of thattu dosa -> here 

Why dont girls do things alone?

Another day planned for museum-book-reading and watching on-the-street-folk-songs, not quite successful. Museum turned out to be too hot and full of mosquitoes and folk song singers sang their last line for the day when I reached them. Hmph. Atleast I had my music player on and a long promising walk. During my walk I noticed something. Not many girls did stuff by themselves. What was it with girls and doing things alone? Alright you didn’t have to walk alone for miles, but be it anything – including taking a trip to see a colleague 2 cubicles away – they need company!

Movies, or restaurants or anywhere – girls didn’t want to go alone. Even shopping, that which they are reputed to be in love with – well there I might have to correct my words. Cause once left inside a shop, I don’t think many women actually bother not having a companion to turn to when clothes or cosmetics fell in numbers. No I am not generalizing here. I am one of these shopping women. But thing is, I don’t understand the whole in-group-we-do, alone-we-don’t pattern.

Lets keep the security factor aside. Lets consider a hypothetical world where it was safe for anyone to go out. Would then things change? Was it only the fear factor that made them look for company? I frankly don’t think so. Cause like I say, inside an office, inside buildings where you knew everyone and everything why would you need someone to cross a room or climb a staircase with? You cant say you will be too bored by yourself! Cause you weren’t there for a leisure trip! You were there for business!

And this pattern was more common among younger women. If you look at middle aged women, they didn’t mind going out to buy vegetables or whatever they wanted going out for, alone. Of course some venues are exceptions like Cinemas. Again I don’t think it’s only the safety concern that kept women from going alone. When I was in Infosys Mysore, the campus was without doubt the safest place to be in and girls and boys sat on pavements at 3 in the night, without fear. But if you looked at the canteens, the food courts like they are called, not 1 woman would be by herself. Even I, when I went to eat alone, found myself entirely conscious, checking if anyone should notice anything wrong. Why should anything be wrong just because I dined alone? Men, on the other hand sat by themselves in many tables, happily enjoying their food. I followed that from next time around.

I am thinking it’s the whole getting conscious-stuff. Women were for someone reason more conscious about how they carried themselves than men, including being by themselves. I am not sure if there is a psychological reason here but that is somehow the way it works. And if you ask me, I think it is sick! I really think its high time everyone was able to walk or go wherever they wanted to, as long as they felt it was safe – what I mean is other than the factors they didn’t have any control on (like safety) they should keep aside all silly mind prejudices and deal with things straight.

As a side story, on my way back today, a man who was driving a car slowed down and said “excuse me 1 minute?” I looked quizzically and he came out of the car, and asked pleasantly “We don’t know each other but do you mind if we get to know each other?”

I was taken aback but I managed to smile and say “Yes I do. Sorry” and turned to walk. He smiled apologetically, said “ok” and went to his car.

I considered the whole episode with nonchalance. So someone thought he wanted to talk to me and I was not in the habit of making acquaintances out of street strangers so gave it a pass. But when my I told my Mom about this, she was all upset. She thought it quite bad and dangerous. I am not sure if it was the way the two of us looked at things, or that like always she was right and I a dumb fool but I somehow still don’t get it. What was the harm in that as long as I knew what to do and what not to? And why should that man, just because he talked to me be cast off as a villain – I don’t put it off that he might not have had the best intentions, but how can we judge anyone so fast? I guess that’s cause of the numerous abuses on women happening in every nook and corner of Kerala – no one was to be trusted anymore. Hmm! And I keep saying, lets forget the safety factor temporarily – no that was not to be forgotten. Not now, not ever.

The no-love tag :-p

Been a little inactive. Lot of blogs to catch up, replies to comments always delayed by 2 or 3 days. Must be what Dhanya calls the blogger’s block. Taking up Hari’s tag, to come out of indolence

RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

RULE #2 Tag 6 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. If your lover betrayed you what would your reaction be?

Not sure but with the present absolutely nonchalant attitude w.r.t. love and romance, I might say “Oh alright see you around then and good luck with the new girl”

2. What’s it that you see in an ideal partner?

Non-existence

3. What, according to you, is the perfect date?

Walk-date. Meaning walk all the while, chewing some ground nuts, stopping at a thattu kada for coffee/dosha.

4. Would you like to have children soon enough? Or would you wait till your mid-thirties for the first child?

Replacing question: Do you like children?

Yup love them. Absolutely love them.

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?

I always say it’d work out great if that really happened. But then not sure what would really happen – if they can still remain best friends as well, great. Oh this is about me- so I’d rather not risk it. I like having my best friends as my best friends, don’t want to lose them at the cost of a possible bad relationship.

6. Which is more blessed: loving someone or being loved by someone?

More blessed – being loved was what I’d have thought some time back. But finding self incapable of any such feelings, being able to love someone genuinely, would be a major blessing.

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you love?

None if it is the partner we are talking about. I might be doing this tag at a wrong time, I seem completely insensitive. Old age I guess.
Now if its about my little nephew, I am waiting every single second to see him again.

8. If the person you secretly like is attached, what will you do?

Oh darn my luck – if I actually find myself capable of loving someone, which in itself is a rarity, and then I should find that the loser has found someone else – Well I will be dashed!

9. If you could root for one social cause, what would it be?

Promote adoption

10. Do you lie?

Ah finally one place I can score, I have a reputation for not lying even for trivial causes. Not that I am too proud of it, had more often landed me in trouble. Honesty is troublesome.

11. Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?

Hopeful me – famous author of 3 books
Pessimistic me – unemployed gulp

12. What’s your fear?

If the plans I have made for myself right now may not work out and it is not just about authoring books and finding employment.

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?

A thinking and quite a nice little kid

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?

Single and rich (Single was the attraction there, not what came with it, hmph!)

15. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously who will you pick?

Haha me in love with 2? That’s like asking Akshay Kumar if he could quit marrying. If I do, I must be a really dumb person! Wont pick both cause chances are I will regret not choosing other for rest of life!

16. Would you give all in a relationship?

Yes I think I will. And give all doesn’t imply give in or give up.

17. Would you forgive and forget someone no matter how horrible a thing he has done?

Might forgive, but know from experience will never forget

18. Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?

Single

19. Your all time favourite song. Only ONE. And why?

This was the toughest. Ethetho from Punnagai Mannan – the first song I learnt to sing as far as I remember.

Tagging

1. Jay – newest friend and blogger who wont let you comment
2. Philip – haven’t seen his entries for a little too long, and he is probably tagged already!
3. Amrutha – Now this is going to be a serious affair.
4. AJ – Hahaha I don’t think he will do this, but if he does, boy it should be fun!
5. Mathew – cant wait for his hilarious answers
6. TF – Author of Lucifer House Inc. Fresh after a series of bride hunts he should be well prepared for this

Avoided married friends, but anyone who likes to take this up, do and let know. Its fun to read this one.

Old injuries die slow

I heard somewhere recently that it was hard to forget old injuries, of the mind. I find that absolutely true in my case, not that I think its anything appreciable. I wanted to be someone who’d harbor no feelings against the cause of injury – people. Why I write this today is cause I think I have crossed that stage, but then again I am not entirely sure after a fresh new wound.

Quoting an instance. There came one day when I had to do an editorial, and finish it in an hour. Though I made it a point to write every nonsensical thought till date, it never occurred to me to read or write an editorial before that. And this was a senior authority asking. I somehow felt desperate for help. I knocked at a few doors, one being of someone I knew or thought I could barge into. Everyone was turning me down, they were all caught up with something. I ran through mind scenes from the past I had gone out of my way to help out the turn-down-ers.

But the big blow came when the one I thought I could barge into shut the door at my face. She was busy preparing for something she had to attend a few days later. Besides “she was done with editorials, no more will she deal with it in any way”. Click. End of conversation. Tears blurred my vision as the scene that crossed mind was from the previous day when precious long minutes of tight work schedule was kept off for the same friend, and ending up staying late night to finish.

I was uncontrollably distressed. Called a friend far away who knew not to write an editorial but who heard tears coming out of the receiver and wondered why the seemingly bold girl she always knew broke down on a matter as naïve as that. I didn’t know why either. But it was not the editorial that caused it. It was the realization for a short while that when a crisis (however big or small it was) came to you, you were alone. I felt helplessly alone for a few minutes; that every hand I tried to reach out from a pit I was falling into refused to grab mine. Much later when another friend who was away, came to rescue, I allowed myself to be consoled and deal the matter at hand – finish the editorial. Felt quite happy later when the person I send it to said it was quite good.

I have never tried editorials after that! But like I say that was not the issue, the letting down was. The friend in question had knocked my door several times after that, and I had always opened it despite devil Cris asking me to close my ears and pretend not to hear it. I am not trying to be an angel here, cause I have almost always kept away from people I didn’t want to be with, for my own selfish reasons. I liked this friend, and when she called for help I went out cause of that. But in the end I somehow end up feeling the taste of that old slammed door, old injuries certainly die slow. And to add to it, today, I have got another taste – not exactly a slam door but one that said – when it came to the good stuff, I was just not good enough. It hurt a lot more than it should.

I have no idea why its always the silliest deeds that sometimes hurt you without any limits. For I know that if I retold these tales to someone, the response should be none else than “Is that all?”

Strange. But there, that’s how it works, my mind. No predicting when it jumps up with joy and no saying when it shuts down forever in misery. It’s really a dumb thing you know, your mind is.

Madhupal’s Thalappavu, brilliant Malayalam movie

Thalappavu was beautiful. Not probably the right word. Mm touching? Heartrending? Maybe brilliant. Let me explain. Its about a story in 1970. A lot of stories. A lot of events, happenings. And its told in 2005. By an old man, Lal. Lal transfers with him, the scene, to the past, each time he finds a connection, cause after 1970 he hadn’t really lived, he just existed, running away from the realities he feared. And why? To hide, to escape.

Prithvi Raj comes in the past. And he was perfect for that role. I know he is not quite popular among the youngsters but I think he did a great job here. In fact he had fewer number of scenes, appearing only where Lal remembered him in the past, and the present. Lal, contrary to his usual tough-guy roles, plays the soft hearted policeman who had a normal life; memorable years of teenage, and then a wife and 2 kids who meant the world for him. But the events he was about to witness and experience was too much for the soft-heart he had. Prithvi Raj opens new lines of thoughts for him. Prithvi Raj offers him his hand when he falls down, just like he had to so many other people.

Lal was brilliant. Some of his old self reminded me of Thilakan’s role in Moonam Pakkam. The helplessness and weakness of old age… already a soft person, Lal calls out for a lot of mixed feelings including one of depression. He touches the audience with his niceness, with his helplessness and most of all with his tender affection for fellow beings.

I am not a Prithvi fan but I liked his scenes, it was just apt and brilliant the way he gave meaning to his gestures including a simple smile or glance.

Through Lal, Madhupal tells the story, through Prithvi he passes a strong message, through the events, he passes a sense of righteousness he hopes to evoke in the audience. He had done a neat job of interweaving the past with the present as remembered and seen by an aging old man. Only, I would have suggested to make all actors speak for themselves, especially when the cast involved the likes of Rohini who could have done marvelous with her absolutely natural dialogue-rendering. The girl who played ‘Sara’ was good, apart from the dubbing factor.

Atul Kulkarni was remarkable in his brief stint. Jagathy, Manianpillai Raju were all proof of the great choice of cast Madhupal made. I hope he continues in this new directorial role for a long time, not that there was anything he could be encouraged with. I went today frantically cause the movie was limited to one show per day, within a couple of weeks of release. It should probably stop running in a week. Sigh, that’s sad. That when horrendous movies like Annan Thampi or Verthe oru Bharya could run for so long, really deserving movies cant last a fortnight!