Story of a lost journalist

March 31, 2006

Story(2) – "One gift-2 people"

Filed under: Fiction — Cris @ 17:44
Tags: ,

Cathy knew this was going to be one of those bad, never-ending full-of-misfortunes-laid-out-just-for-her kind of day. The alarm, which happened to be the melodious voice of her mother worked fine. She was up and ready on time. When, this sensing-bad-things feeling came to her, she can’t remember.

She crossed the road to reach her stop thinking of her friend Mereeja. She did not notice the car that had to come to a screeching halt to stop from bouncing on to her or the driver who looked like he might very well have done the job if it weren’t for those jail-mates he’d have to suffer with; he did not like sharing his room.

Maybe that started the bad-luck charm for her. Her handkerchief flew out of the window while she was in the bus. It was a gift from Mereeja. She carried it with her all the time.
Does this mean something was wrong with Mereeja. Why did she have to dream of her in the morning and lose her gift like that now? She wasn’t superstituous but she couldn’t help worrying. She called her up. No answer. Oh oh. This was not looking good. She ran up the stairs as she got out of the bus. She would not get network coverage unless she reached the top of the building. She would be late for class, but that didn’t matter. She had to hear her voice.

Oops..

If there was background music, like in old-time movies, it might have sounded like “Tummmm tummmm tummmm”.
Cathy missed a step just as she reached the top and fell down 7 steps to land with her face down on the floor.

Ouch that hurts. Quick look around. Ok 10 people saw that. They were all standing with their mouths open. Oh oh someone was coming to help. She had to disappear, vanish, turn invisible! Things seemed blurry. She can’t afford to faint now. She has to call Mereeja.

“Catherine, are you alright?”
Who was that? Oh it’s Lilly.
“Yea Lilly I am fine. Can you get me some water?”

Lilly started putting the things out of her bag, grabbed her water bottle and thrust it on Cathy’s hands. Jesus, the girl was acting like I had a heart attack, Cathy couldn’t help thinking.

Cathy threw some water on her face and drank the rest.

“Thanks Lilly, I will fill it up for you later.”

“Sheesh Catherine who is bothering about that! You sure you are okay?”

By this time 5 other on-lookers decided to join Lilly.
People, there is no earthquake going on here, Cathy wanted to yell.
She stood up. People extended their hands ready to catch her if she should fall. Cathy wondered if she was looking like a wreck.

“I am fine guys, thanks. I gotta go now.”

With that, she hurried and ran up the stairs. Her legs and her whole self was aching but she couldn’t stop and let the others help her. She had to be out of there. Fast. She reached the top floor and called Mereeja. Still no answer. Now, she really began to worry. She must try Mereeja’s friends. But she didn’t have any other number. It might be silly if she called her home. What if Mereeja forgot to take her cell phone. She didn’t want to make her parents upset in case Mereeja was alright. She must wait till later and then try again.

The classes were going on with Cathy scribbling and day-dreaming in the last row as usual. Her legs were still hurting. But she could not worry about that. Mereeja…

“Yes Cathy?”

“Huh? What was that.”
Mereeja??

“CATHERINE PHILIP!!!”

She looked up. Mr Anderson was standing beside her desk.
“Oh hi Mr Anderson, how are you”
Mr Anderson, did not seem to look so well. He looked surprised for a minute. Then he smiled. Were his teeth clattering?

“GET OUT! NOW!!! THIS INSTANT!”

Gosh! It was Math class. How did she think she was in a supermarket with Mereeja? She must have dozed off.

“Yes Sir”
She went as fast and as quietly as she can.

“I knew it. This is just not my day”
She tried calling Mereeja. There was still no answer.

The rest-room was deserted. Of course, all the good souls of this world are in their class-rooms.
“Not like you! How are you Mr Anderson! Sheesh!!! What was I thinking?”
Oh oh. Her left leg was really torturing her now. It looked alright.
“Hope I didn’t break a bone or something. I hate those stupid crutches people carry around with them!”

Cathy headed for the library. She really needed to lie down. She took a huge book and headed for the reference section. Damn, there was someone there.

“Hey Cathy”

“Is that you Dennis?”

“Yup. Thought you have Math”

“Err yea. I got out. Err, there was some problem. What are you doing here”

“Am always here. Only attend classes for attendance. I have 75% already. I realized I can learn more by myself”

“Oh”

“Hey what happened? You have a bruise in your forehead”

“I do?”

She checked her forehead. Oh damn. She could feel a bump. When did that come up!

“You alright?”

Sheesh, she didn’t want Dennis Blanc helping her. She didn’t even want to be seen talking to him. Weirdo who thinks he knows everything in this world and the worst part is he does! Who can like someone like that!

“Yes yes oh yes”

She tried to walk fast and go out.

“Gosh you are limping Cathy”

Ouch! Cathy fell down, this time with her legs knocking down a chair she seems to have missed and landing in a sitting position.

“Damn it what is with me today”

“Hey hey relax young lady. There, let me give you a hand”

She took his hands.

“What you need now is rest, a good nurse, and a mother to pamper you”

“Haha”. She couldn’t help laughing.

Cathy did not ask where they were walking to; she somehow felt Dennis would know to take her to the right place.

“What happened to your forehead?”

“Had a fall today morning”

“Jesus, another fall? Definitely not one of your all-balanced days”

“Haha yea. 7 steps. Thought I lost my legs”

“7 STEPS??? What are you doing here?! Go to a hospital”

“Its not that bad”

“Like hell it isnt! I am taking you to the hospital right now.”

“Jeez Dennis”. But she did not stop him. It seemed like a wrong thing to do that.

Dr Kim was not like those rude doctors she saw in her favorite TV show. He was old and kind.
“So my pretty girl, don’t you think you should watch where you are stepping or rather not stepping your leg?”
Cathy blushed.

“There is a tiny fracture in your left leg. Two wounds to be bandaged. One on your right leg and the other on your forehead”

“I thought people couldn’t move a muscle when they get a fracture”

“You thought right! And if you did that, it wouldn’t have got so worse now!”

“Gosh Cathy, why didn’t you cry, make someone call home like a normal girl”. This from Dennis.

“Mereeja!!”

“Huh?”

“I need to call her!”

“Now?”

“Yes it is important.”

“Ok ok. Give me her number I will call her”

“But I have to talk to her”

“You can. Is it ok if I dial her for you and then give you the phone?”

“Oh… ok..”

“Hello? Is this Mereeja?”

Cathy was watching Dennis.
Someone answered! What were they saying, she had to hear.

“I am a friend of your friend Cathy”
Ok, so it was Mereeja.
“Ask her if she is alright Dennis. Give me the phone”

He went on talking.
“Cathy. Catherine. C-a-t-h-e-r-i-n-e.”

“Cathy she wants to know if you are from her school”

“Huh?! What, she doesnt know me now?!. Give me the phone”
Cathy grabbed the phone from him.

“Mereeja! It’s me!”

“Oh”

“What oh! We talked last week remember! We couldnt talk long cause you were having some exam”

“Yes.. yes I remember”

“What is with you! You have been acting so strange lately! You are always busy! I had this bad dream about you last night. And, and… are you alright Mereeja?”

“Yes, I am fine Catherine”

Catherine?! What happened to Cathy and Kate?!

“Listen Catherine. I am a bit tied up right now. We will talk some other time”

Click!

Cathy gave the phone to Dennis without saying a word and kept staring at the floor.

“Huh. Is everything alright”

“She is avoiding me. She doesn’t want my friendship anymore. But why..”

“What?”

“She is always busy. And now its Catherine.. She didn’t answer when she saw my number; she took it when you called… Oh I have been so stupid! And here I am, in a hospital bed, with broken legs and heart.. all for a person who doesn’t even care to talk to me!”

Dennis realized Cathy only needed to talk now. He has to be there to listen to her.

Cathy went on talking for another hour not seeming to notice Dennis’s presence though there was an occasional “Right Dennis” and “Listen Dennis”

Then she cried for a long time and finally went to sleep. Dennis stayed with her all this while. He did not know Mereeja. But he wanted to kill her. Who could do this to a nice lovely girl like Cathy..

“Nice lovely girl?” He was surprised at his own thoughts. When did she become nice, lovely girl. She was just Cathy-a classmate, that day morning. It did not seem to matter now. This poor little girl needs some rest and someone to talk to. He was there for that. But he has to call her parents. He did not want to leave her but then her parents have to know.

When Cathy woke up, she saw her mother watching her.

“Oh dear you are up! How are you feeling now”

“I’m ok Mom. When did you come?”

“Sometime back. Don’t worry dear, you are going to be ok. Your dad is talking to Dr Kim now”

“Yea. Where is Dennis?”

“Oh! That dear boy! He left just now. He wanted to stay. But his parents would worry”

“Yea”. ‘That dear boy’. Just a few hours with him and he was already like a best friend to her. Mereeja.. no, she decided not to spend another minute of thought or tear for that girl. She would not call her bad words. She would not stop talking to her. But she has to call Cathy if she wanted to talk to her. It won’t work the other way anymore. Cathy knew Mereeja has been avoiding her for sometime now. She just did not want to accept it. She has got other friends. Boy friends. She did not need Cathy. But Cathy would be there for her if she ever needed her, she promised herself.

Night came and Cathy was not feeling sleepy. Now her thoughts were with Dennis. The world took a friend from her to give her another. What did that mean? Some kind of balance-phenomenon? “Definitely not one of your all-balanced days”. She remembered Dennis’s words. Everything reminded her of Dennis now. But the best part was his silence when she kept talking about Mereeja and cried.

“I am not angry with you World. You took Mereeja from me. But she still has me though she doesn’t know that. And now you have given me Dennis. And he has me. I don’t mind the fracture. I bought it for Mereeja. But it bought me Dennis. Why am I talking like this? Hihi. Maybe I should start writing diaries.”

Cathy slept a minute later. Her eyes closed tight, her lips shaped to a smile, he thoughts and dreams to friendship and Dennis.

Some miles away, Dennis who did keep a diary had it open in front of him

The open page read “Cathy doesn’t know what she gave me today. She gave me the most valuable gift on earth. Friendship!”

March 30, 2006

Story Time : "Can I?"

Filed under: Fiction — Cris @ 03:09
Tags:

They got out of the car. This was it. Peter would go to London tomorrow. Ginger would stay here in Kentucky, maybe start job hunting. She was looking extraordinarily beautiful in that red dress, Peter couldnt help thinking. He took his eyes away. This was not going to be easy. He knew that. He was keeping it off for the end and now was the end.

“So..”. She broke the silence. That was good, Peter thought, “so”, one of the best silence-breakers ever. He felt he should do that too.

“So..”

Oh oh, seems she was expecting more to come out of him. Those eager eyes… But what could he tell her.

“Eh, its dark”.

Damn! He bit his tongue the next minute! What was he thinking saying that. Ofcourse it would be dark at 10 p.m. She didnt need him to point that out. But she was polite.

“Yes, it is. Maybe I should just go in”

Oh no, please dont, not yet. Thats not what he meant. She thinks he doesn’t want to be there. He should stop her somehow, say something.

“Uh”

Uh? Thats the best he could do?!! Sheesh, he should be better than this.
He looked up at the sky. Wow the moon was looking so beautiful, like smiling at him. He wanted to shout “What are you laughing at?!”

“So good luck for everything Pete”

Huh what? Has she started saying goodbye already! Whats’ with these girls! Cant they give a guy a minute!
Ok he has to reply.

“Yea..thanks..”. He needs to say more.
“Uh, so what are your plans?”

“I dunno, job hunt maybe.”

Wow, girls are fast. They dont take any time to reply.

“Thats good. Very good.”

“Its not like I have a lot of options”

Oh, now is his turn to be sympathetic, to say something encouraging. Dang, where are all those words when you need them.

“You will find something”

No, no, he should have said something else. But wait, she is smiling. Maybe that wasnt too bad then.

“You really think so?”

“Of course. I mean for a girl like you, with a lot of talents, it should be no hard at all”

Wow, he couldn’t believe he managed to say that. That almost sounded perfect and he didnt need to think either. She seems really impressed too. There was happiness in her eyes, her smile, her whole self. Oh, it was so good to see that.

“Gawd, I love you Ginger”

What!!! What did he just say! Wake up wake up, this has to be a dream. But then he has to know what was going to happen next! He has to hear it. From her. He looked at her eyes. She was lookng back at his, this time, wonder and surprise in them.

“What?” She said meekly

“I love you Ginger. Very very much. I didn’t plan to say this. I am hearing and knowing it for the first time right now, when I told you. But I am sure it happened long back.”

She said nothing, but kept looking into his eyes, searching the truth of the words he just said.

“Ginger…Ginger”

“Yes, Pete?”

“Do you love me?”

She looked at him for one long minute. “Can I?”

He hugged her. “Forever”.

He could feel warm tears at the back of his shirt. He found his own eyes wet. He made up his mind.

“Pack your bags as soon as you can. We are going to London tomorrow”

She continued to stay as before only he could feel those lips turning up as the tears dropped into her pretty little mouth.

March 27, 2006

Haalp its Mr Death!

Filed under: life,My Musing Moments — Cris @ 15:11

Gee what will one’s immediate thoughts be if one realised one was about to die in a few hours? I was just reading my brother’s blog and he has written about how he worried about getting his wife back home (they are in Canada) when he thought he had a heart attack and could die in a couple of hours. Wow the very thought is scary!

I tried thinking of what I would be doing or feeling if something like that happens to me. Too hard to imagine. I mean I could think of a 100 possible scenarios but then what might really go through my mind then, I cant be sure. Fear? Well yes there should be a certain amount of fear! Death is alright, but then expecting death is not exactly a pleasing thought!

I have imagined many times of listening to others talk of me after I die. Well people normally talk only good things of the dead. But then who wouldnt want to hear some good stuff told about them? But seriously, how would it all be?

The one thing one could and should really wish for when one dies is that it wont leave their dear ones too upset- well thats almost impossible, but then thats the most important thing. “Somehow make them forget there was such a person as me!”
And yes, with time people do get on with their lives- friends, family, even mothers. Now I am never sure if thats good or bad. It sucks and gives us a low feeling when we think thats all one’s life is worth for-get a lot of love, care and then be forgotten… But then how else can it be?! One life lost doesnt mean the rest of the world should stop still and not move another step further! Isnt it best it happens that way?

As for me I hope death comes to me suddenly, giving me no time to think ( or on a more selfish note, know the pain). Thinking about it is never going to help. But then there would always be unfinished business in one’s life. There is just one soulution to that. Forget procrastination! I mean I dont wanna die not posting that letter I wrote for Rosily (thats the first thing that came to my mind now!), or making that call to Divsu, or telling Ma she gets to have everything I have if anything was to happen to me. Uh but Rose should get the big Teddy she simply loves him. And I dont want to leave Beavis behind. Noone would take care of him or see him as importantly as I did. Gosh I should not be doing this! I have a 100 things and a 1000 names to mention. Krips, Gov, Kummini and Qwerty. Nishboy, Chechi, Sreeku and Nivi. Robee Tobee. Ammu and Appu. Sheesh I am going crazy! I cant fill this page with people I care about the most. But I need to tell them all how much I care about them. I dont wanna go without doing that!

Ok, no more names cause I would leave someone or the other anyway. And these are just names that came to my mind as I wrote. No particular ranking!

See what a death-talk could do to one person!
Haha! Ok. I will end it here.
As of now I am alive, and happy like my brother has written and thats all that matters! I should just take care of all the stuff right then and there! Everyone should! :-)))

March 23, 2006

Thought I almost lost it!

Filed under: Just talking — Cris @ 16:15

Hmm I am not happy with what I have been writing for the past few days, that includes my last 6 scraps (Oh yea the first one was a killer! heheh!). These are not scraps! These are posts! (I must’ve been orkuting a lot lately. I must get more in touch with real world!)
And today is not one of my happiest days either. I found out I gained 2.5 kgs in the last few days :-((((

Hmmm maybe there is some kind of connection between getting heavy and writing. When you gain weight, you somehow lose your writing skills! Of course! That answers everything! Ok! So heavy diet and excercise starting tomorrow! Tomatoes in the morning, cabbages for lunch and carrots at night. Isnt that how those fashion-TV people eat? Should be. Maybe I should get hold of an interview with Aish. Its easy for Aish. She can twist like an arch in no time(Ref: Taal)! I bet arch-twisting is one of her favorite passtimes!

Wow I can feel it. I am getting good again. I bet I lost that 2.5 now. I knew one cant trust those electronic weighing machines! They are lying machines! Hmph!

Ok I dont think I can talk anymore on this. I dont want to rather, and make this another one of those no-good writings. So I will quit now, but like an old friend of mine says “I’ll be back!”

March 21, 2006

Talk to yourself!

Filed under: My Musing Moments — Cris @ 14:44

What should one do when one feels mighty down. Some say you should cry and let it out. Some say you should talk to someone.

But does it help? Talking to someone? I wonder. I think people should worry for themselves. If they have something to worry about, they should be on their own – think about it and then make a decision. With time, you will be able to arrive at some good solution if there is one. And from what we hear every problem does have a solution. So just leave it all to yourself. Dont drag another person into it.
You may not be able to think right at first cause you would be too drowned in your sorrows. But then at some point you would feel better, come out of it and think for yourself.

Talking to someone might be good at times. Many seems to have got the better out of it. Even I have. But there have been times, many times when I have felt I talked too much. And that feeling is not too nice. Even now I think what I do is talk!

Well now is a good time to start as any. So I might as well give it a shot. Oops too late for that right now. Maybe next time 🙂

March 17, 2006

Some Do’s and Dont’s

Filed under: My Musing Moments — Cris @ 18:06

How the same people can do 2 different things to you is really worth thinking! One day what Ms A told Ms X or rather didnt tell her, has got Ms X kind of sad. The next day, a very small sentence that Ms A tells Ms X has got her so happy she was smiling to herself for the next few minutes.
Doesnt this require some serious thinking?

Think about it. One line we say can make a lot of difference to someone else. Even if we do not strive to make people happy, the least we could do is not do anything that would make them upset. Most of the time we could know what is it that they expect from us. It may be a small thing, but we somehow are determined to not say it just because we know thats what they want to hear. Why are humans including me this way! I know I know there are a lot of good souls in this world. But arent most of us familiar with such a scenario?

I am someone who gets confused very easily. All this thinking of what to say and what not to is getting into my nerves. Rules! Rules please!

Ok rules!

1. When you know beforehand something you say is going to hurt the other, or has a chance of hurting the other, dont “go ahead and say it anyway”. Shut yourself up though it could be a very hard thing to do. There could be a question of honesty here. But no one was asking you to say anything in the first place! So unless asked for an opinion you know they wouldnt be pleased to hear, SHUT UP!

2. When you know that someone is looking forward to hear a small appreciation from you, do say it. They would feel great and seeing how you made them feel, you would feel greater! Again be honest! Say it only if you really feel so.

3. For every teeny little help you get, do let the other know how you feel about it.

4. You know how you hate it to feel ignored and avoided by all (though most of the time you may be imagining it!!). So dont ever let anyone feel that way at your expense.
And try not to ever make one feel that you dont care enough for one, thats the worst kind of feeling one could get!

It is great to feel loved. It is greater to know you made someone feel loved!

March 5, 2006

Perfect, muddy, wet evening!

Filed under: Nature — Cris @ 15:40

I wanted to talk about my evening today. It was just too nice.
I wanted to go to the library, a book 2 weeks overdue already. I thought I will take a walk. It was 5:30 p.m. and I was expecting a friend so my mother stronly opposed my going. But ofcourse little Ms Adamant Cris would not listen to reason!
“Oh I could be back by 6!”

So there she goes out for her stroll with her bag carrying all unnecessary junk. “Why did I have to take my umbrella. It wont be sunny I wont need it. Damn the bag is too heavy”. For some reason (whew!) I didnt leave my umbrella behind. Out I stepped, walked for some 3 minutes and was congratulating myself on coming up with such a tremendous idea. Boom! Was that thunder?! Noooooo please! Splash! Heavy rain started pouring from nowhere! I had taken out my umbrella appreciating my intution. But no, I will have to catch an autorickshaw now and forget about the stroll.

I went, took 2 books and came out. Now the rain was too heavy. I walked with my transparent, allowing-all-drops-to-pass-through kind-hearted umbrella. Sheesh, my jeans was getting wet and dirty. Muddy water soaked my shoes. And then as I was waving at fully-packed autorickshaws my umbrella bent upwards! Gosh it was so embarassing! There I was standing in the middle of the road (well actually it was the side) all wet trying to pull down a resistant stubborn umbrella! I didnt think anymore I just walked. But the thing was I was giggling to myself all this while! Talking to myself, laughing at all that was happening and having a wonderful time! I loved it! I was all wet and dirty but I knew I was having fun. 🙂

Finally I did get an autorickshaw and reached my home exactly at 17:59! Perfect timing! But that didnt seem to impress my mother, she seemed to be more concerned about the dripping appearance of her ever-smiling disobedient daughter!

It was one hell of an evening but I loved all of it! The stroll, the rain, the getting wet part, the flying umbrella, everything! Perfect!

Long live perfect, muddy, wet evenings!!!

March 4, 2006

More clothes!!!

Filed under: Personal — Cris @ 17:03

Ok! This sucks!
I thought I need not think of it again but I need to get it out of my system. Ok I havent killed anyone. Its just that I went out and bought some clothes today (again!!!) after telling myself I should not in the next 100 years or so. All I have been doing for the past few weeks, is shop, shop and shop! I have too many clothes! Waaaa!!! I know I should not be doing it even at the time but I still go ahead and do it!
There should be some law against people like me! Something like ‘no buying clothes more than 2 times a month’.

But no, I am not going to let myself go like that. I am going to make stringent rules and stick on to it! Oh yes! I could do that. From, err, a week later on, (I have to get a top for the skirt I got today! There I go again…) I am not going to buy a single piece of clothe, for the next (okkk lets try to be practical, no 100-years thing!) 6 months. I cant help it if someone else gifts them to me. I believe its the worst kind of insult to not accept a gift someone gives out of care. No, I wont do that. But I wont go out and get one for myself! No Sir! And no, it does not mean I am going to influence others to thinking that gifting clothes to me would be a great idea. Nope! I get the worst kinda horror just opening my wardrobe! I am worse than Veronica Lodge and my father is no Mr Lodge for that matter!
Well charity is one way out.Hmm I should think on those lines.

So wait.. to make this whole no-clothe thing serious, let me record the date. One week later would be (4+7=5,6,…using all fingers and toes..)11th March.Ok… so not a clothe for Ms Cris till (sheesh again.. March+6=) September 11th. There! Now all I need to do is stick to it. And I am going to do just that (gimme strength!!)!

March 3, 2006

Errr?!

Filed under: Just talking — Cris @ 17:45

Well this is just a nothing-specific-to-talk-on entry. It does not mean I am trying to prove to a friend of mine that I could not only start a blog but take it to more than 10 entries. Of course, nothing of the sort. Well you may ask what is this then? Thats a good question. A very good question. I might go as far as saying its a prize-winning one! And all this talk about the question is not a desparate attempt to keep the blog going. No, its just casual talk.. you know.. just everyday kind of plain casual talk; and thats what one does in blogs right? Yup! Make it as casual as you can, thats the secret to successful blog-writing.

Ok.. ok I dont want you people to close the window and decide you have better things to do with your life. No dont do that. Not that you dont. I am sure you are all happy there, everything going perfect with your life, your career or studies whatever it is, and your relationships, just everything. And if you dont feel that way, I sense a “Grrr! She had to bring that up now!” and an immediate transfer of windows.

Ok we all need a change of topic here. So we will switch from talking of,errr, ahem, of things-sensible things of course (dont shoot me!And no its not just shoot me!) to, what? Now thats where we need thinking. Oh, oh wait I got one. What do you all think about doing 2 things at a time? I just thought of that cause I am listening to music while writing this now. I have always found that a difficult thing to do. Even now, I opened this page some half an hour ago, with ear phones on my head, finding the page blank after listening to the same song some 3 times and singing along of course. Suttrum Vizhi… good song. (Kannvizhithu swappanam kandein..mmm beautiful). Ok.. so as I was saying, how do people do that. Just now a friend of mine told me he has his head phones on all the while he is working. I can do that, only I would put my pen down (or take my fingers off the keyboard) and start humming, eyes closed, so it should make a pretty sight in case my boss(PM) decides to say howdy!
But hey I just typed all this with the music on. I knew I was listening to that too cause I am shaking, or rather swaying left and right as I am typing. Cool, so I could do 2 things at a time! I knew it! Talent! There is no other word for it. Except maybe genius 😀

Now I dont want people to get the feeling I am writing for the sake of writing. No I enjoy writing. Love it. Which is why a no-specific-topic entry has not discouraged me from quitting after my first attempt of not being able to go on beyond one line. Nope, I know I dont always practice it, but what I really dont want to do with my life is give up on something I set my heart on, however small it is. And when you love something you feel you need to quit doing, its easier to tell yourself, “Nope, we could do this”. So this is the solution. Do things you love to. Dont get yourself stuck with things you hate to do in your life cause you feel you need to stick to it. No you dont have to, you could get out of it. There will always be an easier way out, the only difficulty is finding it. You need to work your way out of there and then you know you are doing the right thing :-). Courage, will power (oh yes you need that alright and in a huge bulk too), and love can make you do wonders! There, just writing that has got me smiling.

So everyone get yourself out of all the traps your life has dragged you into while I will resume my sing-alongs. Suttrum Vizhi…..

March 1, 2006

Online Friendship?!

Filed under: My Musing Moments — Cris @ 17:48

I think I made my first online friends when I was 14. Using internet for the first time, I was quite excited about the whole idea of making friends with people from far-away places, people I may never see once… it all seemed quite thrilling.. I made some e-friends soon and mailed them everyday.. it felt nice to come and sit in front of the computer everyday typing about the bad days at school to complete strangers and drawing some kind of satisfaction from that! Something like having a diary… you can tell it(them) everything and noone else need to know!

But I found that the thrill soon disappeared… our mails were not a daily thing anymore. Gradually we stopped mailing… must have lasted for a few months!
Later, just after school, I started chatting. There was a long vaccation before college and I had all the time in this world to chat as much as I wanted. But back then broadband connection was not yet common, and the image of a possible 5-digit phone bill, if I didnt stick to an hour-a-day-net routine didnt make me a wanna-be-online-24-hours-chat-adict. I was more interested in video games and computer games and well yakking with friends over phone(local calls didnt bring that horrible bill-image to my mind).

I somehow made a rule to myself that if I should chat with guys, it should only be strangers I have not a chance of meeting in real life! Except my name, I spoke only the truth to these strangers and found the same kind of joy I got when I made my first e-mail-pals! I would log in everyday in search of a single person- yup I think I formed a kind of first-crush never knowing or admitting it to myself back then.

By the time I dared to use MSN Messenger(somehow I felt safer in chat rooms packed with strangers, upto then) , I was tired of the whole stranger-business and added people I knew in real life. Adding real-life friends and talking with them was so much better! Why did it take me so long to realise that?! But then talking to people whom I just knew and had not made friends with brought a greater joy! This was the only way I talk to them. There were again days when I would check to see if one particular person is online. There must have been so many different crushes at different times, me never realsing any of that at the time.Now I know the feeling and have taught myself to accept it(that was the hardest teach-myself ever!)
I found myself talking more through these chats to people than when I saw them face-to-face. This was cowardice-the kind of courage you get when you have a pen in your hand with no faces to face or voices to hear! Gradually, very gradually (oh yes) I talked to these chat-friends and made conversations without a net in between. With time, it proved to be one of the easiest things to have these tete-a-tetes!

So at one point of time I maintained that you can only make friends with people whom you knew atleast existed in real life and had a chance of meeting face to face. I thought the whole idea of online-friendship with no hope of a meeting was not real-how can people get close without ever seeing each other once. No, the whole idea seemed wrong. This was some time back. I was no longer interested in making new friends I saw on net, starting from ASL,what-do-you-do’s! But then somehow without making all this seem fussy, I found myself making friends-not many, just a handful of them, the possiblity of seeing whom I never thought once. Well thats not true I am a huge day-dreamer and imagine all kinds of impossible scenarios happening in my life! But thats not the point. I did not have any problem getting close to these people knowing living on 2 sides of the earth dont exactly help you have a chit-chat with them every other day.

So the point I am driving at is, friends are people that keep on amazing us every single day!

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