An umbrella love story

This story is from nearly a century ago. At a little place called Vakkom somewhere in south Kerala. One rainy afternoon, a little past 3, a man in his early twenties –a teacher –came out of the local school. He took one look at the rain and opened his big grandfather umbrella. Walking home, he saw a young girl standing drenched in the rain. Those were days when a 7^th grade graduation qualified you to be a teacher. She was one such seventh grader, newly joined the school as a teacher. A girl barely in her early teens. The man had noticed her before. She was a disciplined little girl. Now, he took pity on her and invited her to his umbrella. She walked in gratefully. No words were exchanged, no meaningful glances passed.

But unknown to the two, there were prying eyes, blinking through the rain, watching. Stories were made in seconds. And in a small town, they travelled fast, these stories. It threatened to be what was called a ‘cheetha peru’ (bad reputation) for the girl. The man wouldn’t let this be. He presented the matter at home. He was going to marry her. It was not love but principle that drove him to it. But yes, he had liked the young girl. Those were also days when young men and women were not expected to choose their partners. Hell broke lose. But they got married, and had one of those fairytale love stories. Much subtler of course. The story of my great-grandfather and great-grandmother 🙂

I will love you

He: I love you

She (laughs): No you don’t

He: No but I will love you

She: (smiles)

He: You are smart, intelligent…

She: No I am not!

He: You may not seem to be but I know you are

She (smiling): Thank you

He: You are also original… and that makes it so easy. You don’t act one way and think another. Even your wit and weirdness are original.

She: Now that, I agree.

He: You are also beautiful. Don’t ask me in what way. You just are..

She: (looks down)

He: But…

She: (looks up)

He: I would know all this only when I meet you…

She: (smiles again)

He: And then… I will love you.

Does Love Last?

Love. Wherever I turn to, it is somehow a discussion on love. There is nothing unusual about that. What makes me write is the specific concern about love that keeps coming back. Does it last?

The first one was when a colleague wrote about arranged and love marriages. Another said love – the feeling is consistent – but it needn’t be towards the same person. Convenient! It kept bringing back that thought which I fear – that no love is consistent. And no I don’t mean this version of feeling-lasts-but-lover-does-not.

Seriously – cant one love another forever? In fairy tales yes, in movies of course. But in real life? Here is what I read in today’s The Hindu – http://www.hindu.com/2010/07/15/stories/2010071554571100.htm

So all that crush stuff we talk about is an ‘unconscious’ feeling of lust? Yech! I’m not going to accept that. Crush is crush – you like something about the person, which attracts you to him, but you have no idea what it is on introspection. And that’s what makes it special. How can love be love if there is logic in it? No way.

Love should be mysterious, incomprehensible, unpredictable and totally devoid of logic. For example, you cant decide – person X has so many qualities matching to mine, I will pick him. That may work for arranged marriages. But not in love. But then again, it might be one of these qualities which worked the magic, you never know. I say the whole concept of love crumbles if you bring your calculations into it. In other words, brain has no place in it. Which is why I wont buy the piece in The Hindu.

But one part they say is about long-time friends becoming a couple at some point in life. Now this has been an area I keep debating with self and never can find an answer to. Friendship, I have always held as a divine and platonic relationship and I cant imagine anything coming in between to shatter that. Not even love. I have always seen friendship above love though I hear people say it is one and the same. I will say this much. To lovers, friendship is an added advantage. But to friends, love is an intruder who will forever change something divine that they had all this while.

Today I just read Doctors and it is again the same theory. I don’t want to carry any spoilers in case someone wants to read it – the book is lovely and I would wish I had a Barney in my life like that.

Two things bother me. The consistency factor and the friendship factor. However much I believe that marriage could put an end to all your “intense” feelings making it a matter-of-fact relationship taken for granted, I still like to fantasize that there exists true love. That someone is there for someone else – forever, not changing faces in between. Just one for another. Now it would be really sad if there is no such thing.

Background Music In Real World

It is amazing how music can change the whole atmosphere around you. Not only yours, but others around you.

I am at this crowded bus stop, all the rush and hush of the city at its peak. The buses, the cars and bikes, the people – it is total chaos. Ping, comes the music player. Pong, plays the song. And then you look at the same crowded place, the same people and vehicles. And you get a totally different feeling.

I get into a bus and even as I am being crammed by a dozen others sharing my same spot, it is really great. Not the cramming, no. The music effect. I look at people I pass, through the windows. And they all seem to make movements to match my song. Like in the movies where you have these songs in the background to bring the effect. It works in real life too, if you have a set of ear phones with you all the time.

A man rushes after the bus, another just stays still outside a shop, a third glances at his watch, a fourth signs a paper. A lady seems to scold someone, another just stands at a bus stop. A boy picks out his mobile phone. Two old men walk, talking. The tired expressions, the bored ones, the impassive ones, the cheerful ones – they were all perfectly fitting into the rhythm of my song.

Pause. The song is over. The real world noises are back for a few seconds. Pong, the next song begins. This time, a love song. Wow. Cool. I now choose my actors. I see someone on the road, and then look at the next person of the opposite gender and imagine they are “the lovers”. A man becomes the hero of two women, a middle-aged dame for a twenty-something fellow. There is a girl rushing towards my bus. A guy far away is parking his bike, I imagine, looking after the girl who (might have) just ran out from the shop. He has a secret crush on her. He goes back, she is inside the bus. Maybe she looks back, I can’t see her.

But there is a problem when you play love songs. Pretty soon you forget about all your real life actors from the streets and buses. You end up imagining scenes with a single person taking the lead role. No doubt, it is yourself. You picture your every movement is now on screen being admired by your one-and-only – that slow smile, that gleam in the eyes, that slight swaying of the hair – that sudden brake in the bus and the sudden fall!

It is absolutely lovely. Adding background music to real world. It is amazing, really. And you wouldn’t even need an MP3 player if you are imaginative enough. You could play it in your mind. Although, I must warn you, it could land you in trouble – cause you end up acting to your song and the onlookers who cant hear the music, may – just may – raise a brow or two. But chances are, if they have known you too long, they will know not to find it unusual to find an overly-expressive woman being overly-expressive for no reason at all.

Marriage thoughts

My marriage thoughts… again.

I don’t believe in marriage because I don’t believe that relationships always last. Love is good at first, when you (think you) are just falling into it. That’s the time when you think this is it and you want to be with each other forever and ever. But soon, things change, the person you are with changes, the love itself changes and the relationship starts cracking. I like to see it as a closed space that starts sending tremors. Most people pretend not to see the cracks and hold on to the last few things in the closed space until they are blown away in the end.

I am tired of hearing clichéd terms like “adjustments”. I am not an adjusting person, period. If you adjust, you should be happy about doing it (I know – “if you really love someone, then you would be happy about doing it for them” – Blah!). If not, each adjustment, or each time you give up on things, it only adds to your frustrations. All of it finally reaches the neck bottom and boom – it explodes. And that’s it.

I will agree there are a lot of good feelings in it. If you could enjoy a relationship like you do an ice-cream and then forget about it, it’s fine. But it is not a temporary stop you could leave. It is going to be painful. And if I know it is going to be painful, then why would I go into it? I am so happy without it.

This is not because I saw or experienced a few relationships fail or base my thoughts on my limited experiences. It is something I have observed about the whole world. And I just don’t believe relationships last. Ignore the outer marks of commitment and go in and you will find it is more than often a just-for-sake deal to keep the family together. No love. If no love, then why marriage?

Its been proved that you cant always keep both ambition and marriage together. Look at Sudha Murthy. She may not have had a problem keeping aside ambition for marriage. I just meant you have to agree that choosing marriage may very well kick out the other big dreams from your life. Many people would say they don’t mind and their first priority is ‘the family’. Agreed. So for those who do mind, marriage is not a good option. Cause they may want to pursue other dreams as well, so they better not get married. Unless they keep marriage aside for a while but that becomes a taboo. So marriage is a choice. It depends on what you want more. Would have been a happy world if you could remain married and still do all things you wanted all at the same time. That aint practical, that aint happening; so forget preaching idealistic theories that don’t work.

I am ready to change my mind about relationships lasting. I am yet to see a real one that does. But I am sticking to my stand that marriage is always a choice, and not a compulsory stage in life!

As for me, I just like to live uncontrolled, be lazy, roam and not worry about keeping an account of where I go and what I do each second of my life – no plans, no preparations. Just wake up and live each day as it comes, as you feel like. Not a pathetic wanna-be-free talk, just a simple fact people somehow seem to shudder at and despise when they hear.

Interpretations of love

The Cris School of Relationships has now brought forth before you, dear readers, the different interpretations of that misused word ‘love’.

1. The duty-doers: They understand love as a duty they are to perform towards the people they are expected to. They mostly do it life-long, just as a machine that works as long as it has its batteries charged.

2. The companions: They need someone to take lunch with, go to the mall with and they think they love the people who could accompany them. When it is time to leave the place and find new people for lunching and malling, they fall in love all over again.

3. The crushies: Temporary. Everything is temporary for these fellows. When love strikes, it strikes strong and they think and dream and do all for the loved one every minute of every hour. But ouch, the clock doesn’t stay still and so doesn’t the love.

4. The floaters: They cry for you, they smile for you, but their love only goes this deep. They honestly believe it is strong, but the best they could do is sit and cry as they watch you drown.

5. The buyers: These people think that a certain crow won’t fly above money so that should mean money is love. To them, love means buying gifts and spending money on loved ones. Spending time with them? Nonsense.

6. The mothers: And of course, the creator, they say, could not be everywhere so landed our mothers on earth. People who are mother-like, when they love, they love. Call it a feeling that never goes away, that is always felt wherever you are and whatever you do. It has no definition, it is just there.

Ouch, we reach the magic number, which means it is time to end another lovely chapter in the Cris School.