Time can play weird tricks on you. Sometimes it runs so fast it blinds you and you have no idea where it has taken you to. Sometimes it plays the reverse game and you are left at a spot far far away from the rest of the world – one they have all been done with years and years ago. Time has played the reverse game on me today. Well it does every so often I better get used to it.
You know how it is with certain names close to you. They have become a part of you somewhere in your childhood you can never see them as part of the grown-up world. One such name is Sreeku – my cousin. We grew up playing together every darned game on earth we could think of. Well all cousins do I suppose. Problem is she stuck as my playmate cousin, the kid I ran to for holidays to create a world of our own where we were the parents, we were the rulers, we were the kings and queens.
Sreeku is getting married in two months. Every time Amma tells about her marriage, it takes me a moment to grab the subject. Sreeku, the little one and marriage? But it is no pretend-marriage game from our childhood. This is the real one with a real groom to play the role.
That’s the kind of weird trick time plays on you. It puts you into these zones you can’t get out of. People call it past and ridicule those that keep going there. I do get out yes. I know today is what matters and all that blah. It’s just sometimes it is harder to make the connection, harder to realise it’s a bygone era. Growing up should be the worst stage in life! What’s worse it never stops happening as long as you are alive. I realise today is going to be another one of those zones, one my future self will look back at and drop a tear for.
It’s not about the happy days of childhood. It is about losing a world close to your heart. It is about knowing you will never be part of that world again, you will always be an outsider looking at it and yearning. Not to be that self, no. But yearning for a reason I do not know to express in words.
Today, as I look at my grown-up cousin, I know she is ready. And she is happy. What else should matter?