Story of a lost journalist

November 23, 2011

For KT

Filed under: Personal — Cris @ 02:36

Was by chance I checked google reader today and saw an update on KT’s blog. Happily went to read it first, having waited a long time after her last post in September. Read seriously the post written about losing ‘Amma’ to cancer. I thought it really sad that mother and daughter had the same disease – KT too has cancer. I also thought that this was not at all KT’s style of writing. It was when I went through the comments that it suddenly struck me – the blog was not written by KT, but her child. Which meant, the Amma in the post was KT…

I went back to reading on and on again. I didn’t want to believe it. The commenters had to be mistaken. Desperately I wrote asking whoever blogged it, to tell me if it is true.

I had to somehow prove it couldn’t be so. I was sure she just emailed me last month. No, that was in July. What other proof did I have? We never talked on phone or sms-ed. All our talks were on the internet. Except the one time we met. She wanted to meet the volunteers of TidyCity to discuss a project. It never took off. But I was so pleased when she wrote about us and, me in particular on her blog. (


“And I had the pleasantly strange experience of meeting my blogger friend in flesh and blood. Crisgirl or cris seetha. She was everything I thought she’d be. And more. A a petite, smart and soft-spoken girl…”


The blog that I throw upon everyone boasting the kind of intellect and smartness and sense of humor a Malayali middle-aged woman possessed. I somehow felt so proud when people said thanks for giving them the link of such a wonderful writer. I told Amma, see she’s blogging on her own, you could do it too.

I first landed on KT’s blog from silverine’s. It was a post about shaping eyebrows. I immediately fell in love with her language. I imagined she was a young thing in college (I didn’t realize she was narrating an old episode from her life). Hers became the first blog I checked everyday. My favorites were her lighter veins. Those days I tried to run multiple blogs and one was to review interesting blogs. I wrote about KT’s. She thanked me. I started regularly commenting on her blog. I was on cloud 9 on days she would visit mine and leave a comment. And cloud 18 when she would sometimes say ‘well-said’ or well-written. Meant so much to me.

In one of our first emails, she said I could call her KT like I did in my comments. Or Molly if I preferred it. I chose KT. We’d write occasionally. I remember suggesting some stuff for her blog design and she first claimed to be tech-unsavvy but later managed to make it so beautiful.

After reading one of her posts on English-speaking, I wrote to her telling, I sometimes stutter when I am nervous. She wrote back saying she was so till recently; but the important thing was to concentrate on “what” was to be said than “how”.

And when she made a post about missing Trivandrum, she had mentioned our TidyCity –

I learnt she had cancer from one of her blog entries. But her later posts were so packed with energy and enthusiasm and knowledge, you’d think cancer is just another cold cause she seemed able to brush it off with her little hanky.


Whenever I emailed her, I got a pretty fast response. So I worried a little when I couldn’t find an update for so long on her blog. But I didn’t email her. I brushed it off as silly. She could get busy, she could be traveling or in the US like last year. Or maybe she was just fed up of blogging. Maybe that’s just what it is now. Maybe that’s what I will believe it to be. Cause KT just has to be there.


And I didn’t know this, but KT, you meant a lot.



November 5, 2011

G and B – Full Story

Filed under: Fiction — Cris @ 23:32

Warning: Lame story in three parts. Not suitable for anti-paingili folks 🙂

Part 1

“Please?” she tried to pull a sad face unsuccessfully.

“There could be people there who know me!” he shook his heads, sipping his coffee.

“Oh B, they won’t know a thing. We are just doing this to pass it off in front of him.” She spoke, jabbing her cutlet.

“G come on. I could come with you, but what good does it do to pose as your boyfriend?”

“Look. You can call it ego, call it anything you like. But two years after his wedding, I can’t go in front of him like some lonely pathetic case who still couldn’t find someone.”

“So you wanna show your Ex? Hey you have a wifey so what. I have this handsome dude bf”

“Minus the handsome dude part, you fit in perfectly.”

He frowned again. But he was coming around. “Well you know I’d do it any way. I get to have free food.”

“Plenty of it. We are attending a marriage lovah boy.”

“Oh ye honey I like that.”

It wasn’t tough to spot him. He stood next to the groom, looking as good as he always did. She bit her lips. “B maybe this was a bad idea. We should just leave.”

“Oh no G, I am not missing all that food for nothing! Girl, do you know how pretty you are looking today? And with Mr Handsome by your side, this guy is going to be the jealousest person in the world today.”

“That’s not a real word, but I will let it pass considering you laughed like a hyena seeing me in this dress before.”

“That’s my girl. So you ready?”

“Yea, hold my hand B. Not to show him, I just wanna make sure my legs don’t fail me.”

“Hush you are doing good. Just remember you are one awesome person. See, I am not even winking.”

He did not seem to notice her at first. Or maybe he was just ignoring her. “Should I smile at him? Or just pass by?”

“Let’s be like normal people and wish the bride and groom first. Don’t you think they deserve our attention after all that food?”

“Oh yea, sure.”

It was the groom who finally broke the ice. “G, you remember E. He came all the way for my wedding. And this is his wife, Mrs E.”

“Hi E”

“Hi G”

“Hi Mrs E”


Pause. Embarrassing smiles.

“Oh and I am B, G’s boyfriend.”

It was only for a second, but G noticed his brows twitch and his eyes narrow, before he smiled. “Hi B, how do you do?”

“Good. I have heard lots about you from G. And how do you do Mrs E?”


Maybe Mrs E has heard of G before. Maybe they weren’t looking forward to this meeting. Yes, that made sense. “Well I better get going then. Bye,” G said.

“Yea, take care,” he said. And she thought there was a pinch of affection in his words. She walked on, not turning back, and before she knew it, B took her hands in his and kissed it.

When they were out, she pulled away. “Why’d you do that for!”

“Hey it needed some originality. You should have seen the look on his face!”

And he did indeed look lost. “Oh come on E, they are just pretending. He is not her boyfriend. She wanted to show you she’s doing fine.”

“I know dear. But she doesn’t know she really is doing fine… with him.”


Part 2:

He was a little annoyed when the call came. “G, I told you I was at work.”

“Sorry B, I am sorry. I will call later. Later I will call you. And yea. Bye. Am sorry.”

He immediately repented his words. She never called unless there was a good reason. And knowing G, it would have taken a really strong reason to call. “Is everything okay?”

“Oh yea. Oh yea. You go to work. Work B.”

He could hear some vehicles in the background. “Where are you?”

“Out. I am out. Out.”

“Ok what is wrong?”


“G? Are you there?”

Silence again.

“Ok I am coming. Where are you?”

“No no you work. You are working. I shouldn’t have called.”

“Just tell me where you are.”

She told him.


When he finally reached her, she didn’t even seem to recognize him. “G? What on earth happened? You look so unwell.”

She stared at him. “You are B”

“Of course it is me.”

“Then where is he?”


“I don’t know.”

“Geez G would you just tell me what happened.”

She turned to look at him as though just finding him there. And said in a matter-of-fact casual tone, “I was raped.”

He just stared at her, letting his mouth fall. He stopped the first words that came to his mouth – are you joking. No. It really happened. And she was not herself. “I… but how,” he couldn’t stop himself.

“I lost my way to a place I had to go to. And they tricked me.”

Her tone was so casual he wasn’t sure if she was just telling a film story. “I don’t know what to… G, should I take you to a hospital?”


“Shall I take you to your home?”

She jerked up and looked at him, buried her face on his shoulders and cried hysterically. “Mom… mom is home… I can’t go home. I can’t.”

He held her that way for some time and said gently: “Ok will you come with me?”

She nodded.

He took her to his home. “No one here today,” he added on the way so she’d feel at ease. She seemed absent minded. “I want to take a bath, I have to bathe,” she said.

“Of course. You can use my bathroom.”

He led her to his room and went out to come to terms with what just happened. G just got raped? What was happening. His head seemed to whirl. “B!” she opened the door and called out.

“Hey what’s up? You want something?”

“I can’t do it B. I can’t take a bath. I can’t I can’t.” She was panicky like a child about to face an exam.

“Don’t worry. Can I help you with it?”

“No no no no.”

“Don’t worry you won’t know a thing.” He made her sit on a stool and gently poured water on her.

“My dress is getting wet B.”

“So I will give you my clothes. They are really awesome.”

She looked up and for a moment seemed to forget her predicament. “Yea”

She kept quiet as he continued to wash her hair and face. He brought a towel and dried her hair. “Now G I want you to dry yourself up and wear these clothes I have laid out ok? They are going to be big for you but you will look great.”

She nodded. And mechanically obeyed him. He waited outside and started smoking. There was no time to even reflect on what happened. She needed him now more than any other time. Yet what could he do?


“Can I have a smoke too B?” she asked timidly.

“Of course, but do you smoke?”

“No. Will it make me feel… good?”

“Tell you what. Why don’t we have something to eat?”

She shook her head. “I don’t want anything.”

“But it would make you feel good.”

She said nothing as he brought a plate of rice. “Only curd and pickles to go with it, you like that?”

She nodded but didn’t seem interested to eat. He was doubtful what to do but when he made balls of rice and took it to her mouth, she didn’t resist. “It’s like mom’s pickles,” she said dreamily. He smiled. When she seemed lost, he showed her to his balcony, talked about his neighbors and gardens and made her eat. She seemed to listen to all that he said with great interest. “What happened then?” she would ask sometimes. Her eyebrows would shoot up and her eyes widen as he cooked up stories to get her attention.


“Do you want to rest a bit?”


She fell asleep as soon as he tugged her in. “Don’t go away B,” she murmured.

“I will be here.”

Two hours later, she woke up with a start and told him she was ready to go home. “My clothes are not dry yet.”

“I will bring them to you later.”

“B… what will I tell mom?”

“I think you’d know best G.”

She nodded.


 Part 3


She was getting wet in the rain waiting for him. He saw her standing there from the distance, stealthily walked to her side and hugged her from behind. She shrieked and looked back to see him. “B! What are you doing? This is me.”


“I know,” he couldn’t stop smiling.

“You make me wait for 10 long minutes and then hug me for no reason?” She was definitely back. No more of that helplessness he couldn’t bear to watch on her face. He smiled. She never said thanks, she never talked about it. But the way they dealt with each other, it was clear. It was over and done with.

He said now: “G, I got it.”

“You what?”

“I got it! I cleared it!”



“Really really?”

“Really really!”


This meant he was going away for higher studies. Away from her. For how long, he had no idea. But that didn’t seem to matter right then. They jumped around excitedly holding each other. She took his hands, kissed them and dropped them fast. He in turn, held her face and kissed it.

She pulled away from him and let her face down. In shock. Between fighting her tears that got lost among the raindrops, she could just mumble “What is wrong with you?”

“I am so sorry G! I am in… I have been for long. I never meant to say it but now it just came out. I am so sorry.”


“I am sorry…”

“Why did you wait… why didn’t you say it?”

“Cause I knew you didn’t want it. I knew you didn’t feel that way.”

She tried to kick him but slipped and fell on his shoulders. “How did you know without asking me?” she asked panting.

He held her up, “But does that mean you… you…?”

She shook away his hands. “Don’t ya try to help me.” She was trying hard to look angry but her dimples gave her away. “Yea I do dumbo. Now don’t make a scene of it.”

He hugged her and kissed her again. She was still trying to kick him.

Disclaimer: G and B in this story stand for Girl and Boy. This is fiction, any connection to real life or other stories you may have read about is possibly coincidental, or else I may have lifted it 😀

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