Story of a lost journalist

March 31, 2008

An attempt at world peace

Filed under: Jim and Me Conversations — Cris @ 10:42

Warning : Post contains a huge element of imagination

It was about time for me to turn in and I was standing in front of a mirror ready to brush my teeth when suddenly strong beams of light hit my face. I closed my eyes for a minute and opened them again to see nothing unusual in the room. But when I looked again at the mirror I was horrified (no its not the usual effect my reflection causes!). I couldn’t find myself in the mirror! And then my fancy pal Mr Jim appeared in the mirror.

“Jim what is this? I got transformed into you? Oh no I am in a nightmare”

“Good thought! Maybe the next beam of light that hits you will do that. But right now you will have to be happy being inside your mirror”

“What do you mean inside my mirror”

“Oh Cris you know like in that episode of Sabrina, the teenage witch. You went into the world inside your mirror”

“Sabrina is a witch! I am a normal human being!”

“Well lets not get carried away here Cris! We’ll just agree you are a being. The degree of normalcy and the type of being is a matter of public opinion”

“Jim you idiot”

“Yes Cris”

“You 2-faced dwarf”

“Yes Cris”

“Dont blabber. Just shut up”

“Yes Cris”

“AND GET ME OUTTA HERE”

“This is your own fault Cris”

“How the hell is it my fault”

“You wished for world peace looking at the mirror and your wish was granted”

“Jim if there is some way I could bring my hands back to the real world, I’ll use them to strangle you”

“I know Cris”

“So get me outta here. Wait I got a better idea. You come here!”

“What?? I don’t want to die in a mirror world! Cris… Cris?? What are you doing closing your eyes? And chanting something…”

Another beam of light hit Jim’s face and voila he stood right next to me.

“Alright what did you wish for”

“To be able to kill you right away”

“Thats straight forward. Now, how do you expect us to get out of here?”

“Shh Jim. I hear machine guns”

“Oh no we should’ve guessed! We are in a world opposite to a peaceful world. They dumped all the anti-peace people into the mirror”

“Oh don’t be dumb Jim! Hush duck below the chairs. They are coming”

Jim and I ducked below the chairs in the dining room. I had my tooth paste and tooth brush in hands.

“Who are coming Ms Know-it-all?”

“The enemies. We can go to the real world only if we beat them”

“How do you know that?”

“That’s why I was sent here. I wished for world peace and I was sent here to fight for it. If I destroy every force that disrupts world peace, we can go back”

“Sigh! You have a really dumb imagination! So Ms Rani Cris Bhai how do you plan to do that”

“Do you see the tooth paste in my right hand?”

“Yeah?”

“Its an extraordinary, powerful, blue… err give me some hightech words Jim”

“Err computerized?”

“Really Jim you should go to school! I’ll tell you what it could do. It could emit red rays when you sway it around like this and kill 100 people in one go!”

I swayed the tooth paste around, remaining in my sitting position behind the chairs.

“Wow Cris cool! Thats 100 down!”

“Thanks Jim. There, I’m swaying it again”

“Oops you missed!”

I frowned and swayed it around again.

“Cris! They’ve come back alive! The people you killed!”

“Oh I forgot! The tooth paste gives out a green light the third time you sway it and brings back alive all the people it killed”

“Sheesh thats the dumbest tooth paste I’ve heard of! Can’t even kill 100 people! Why’d you even buy it?”

“You should’nt use it for killing after 2 times”

“What do you do then”

“You use it to brush your teeth”

“Brilliant! So now what?”

“It’s 1:42 AM”

“So?”

“So at exactly 1:43 AM, the enemies get an anti-tooth-brush syndrome. It lasts till 1:44 AM”

“Do I dare ask what this syndrome is?”

“Yes. When they get it, we can walk away with tooth brush in left hand. They won’t attack us. They hate the smell of tooth brush”

“So where do we walk away to? We’re trapped here remember?”

“I know. But it’s 1:43! Walk now, I’ll tell you later”

Jim and I made a quick move and dashed to my room. I switched off the light in the dining room on my way.

Back in my room, I made a loud laugh. It went “Buhaha buhaha buhaha”. Jim looked too fed up to ask questions.

“Oh don’t look like that dummy! We are back in real world”

“What? How did that happen?”

“You see Jim, it was a beam of light which started all this. So I figured out if we switched off the source of light which caused all this, everything would be back to normal”

“So what about world peace?”

“I’m afraid we blew it Jim. The world might just have to stay peaceless for a little while”

“Well, we tried”

“Yeah we did”

With that, I went to sleep. The next morning, my mother searched the whole house for tooth paste until she found me sleeping with my right hand clutching it tightly. A few minutes later I was mercilessly woken up to witness something no child would like to witness – a mother in a dangerous mood. I wonder if my bed sheet and pillows smothered in tooth paste had anything to do with it. I guess I will never know.

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March 29, 2008

We begin afresh with a new site and a song!

Filed under: Music — Cris @ 00:18

I am officially inaugurating my new website and blog with this entry today, the 29th of March 2008! Moved all the old blog entries from blogger and wordpress here! And now a song to mark this moment!

Click here to hear Edelweiss by Captain Von Trapp and me!
[song.mp3]

Well! The above song is none other than the famous ‘Edelweiss’ by Captain Von Trapp (Christopher Plumming) from The Sound of Music. But there is an additional female voice along with it. No marks for guessing the singer! Shameless, embarassing, and demonstrating a lot of guts. Well there are some things you have got to do sometimes and this is one of them. I know I will regret this but well I am doing it. Here goes, I am clicking the Publish button now, and closing my eyes and running away!

March 26, 2008

Top Ten at 23:30 PM!

Filed under: Music,Personal — Cris @ 18:12

Been a while… Actually it’s only been 3 days. But when you start blogging 3 times a day, 3 days is a huge gap! So just now I was having a walk and I was listening to this song in my mp3 player. And I have decided to add this to my top ten. For a while anyway! And oh, funnily, the song is “In a little while” by Uncle Kracker. Funny name for a singer! But if … (I was about to crack a really dumb joke and stopped myself just in time). New rule – if you see 3 dots in the middle of an incompleted line that means my hands are forcefully stopped by my brain and of course against a strong brain as mine, my hands are no match. 

Coming back to Uncle Kracker (oh seems his real name was Matthew Shafer) , it’s a really nice song. And I would advice people who haven’t heard it yet to hear it. Could help in a really somber mood when you have no shoulders to weep on! Leave it to me to overdo things! It’s not a sad song, but well its a soother (oh man now I have to check the dictionary if there’s a word like that. Whew it exists – “n.1.One who, or that which, soothes.”)

Talking about my top ten, let me see, my current list (it keeps changing every second so by the time I have posted this I will probably change my mind). Being an amazingly well-versed Indian (no proofs/demonstration would be given for this) it comes in 4 languages – Malayalam (Mallu), English, Tamil, Hindi.

1. (Tamil) Paadariyein – Sindhu Bhairavi

2. (Tamil) Kandukondein – Kandukondein Kandukondein

3. (English) Imagine – John Lennon

4. (Mallu) Aathmavil – Aaranyakam

5. (Tamil) Santhipoma – Unaku 20 Enaku 18

6. (English) In a little while – Uncle Kracker

7. (Hindi) Sogaya – Tezaab

8. (English) And I love her – Beatles

9. (English) Hippo and the Dog – (yes it happens to be a nice song!! But you gotta keep your eyes closed if you want to listen and not laugh!)

10. (English) Singing in the Rain – Frank Sinatra

Seems to be a Tamil season. Only 1 Hindi song – no offense to Hindi lovers, I know Hindi as much as Einstein did. Well maybe a teeny wee bit more (I hope he didnt take a secret 1 day course and knew the language inside out!). Oh wait I only have one song in Malayalam too. And I am a Mallu. So you see there’s no description – did I say description? I meant descrimination (Why the hell am I not using backspace!). Ahh I feel the urge to create a beautiful line – Music has no language. Someone had said it before? No way! Sure?

Well that’s it. Well now that I am here anyway, I thought I will talk about something more. The other day I  had … aww the 3 dots again?! Dang my brain is too fast! I gotta stop stopping myself like this!

March 23, 2008

Talking clothes are fussy

Filed under: Conversation,Imagination — Cris @ 18:17

I just had my bath and was putting my used clothes into my laundry hamper. This happened to be a mighty talky set of clothes and I mean talky!

Clothe: Hey where you putting me?

Me: Into the laundry hamper

Clothe: Why!

Me: Cause I can take all my used clothes to the washing machine later

Clothe: A washing machine? You mean I will get washed there?

Me: Bingo you are a wise clothe!

Clothe: Are you crazy?? I will drown in all that soap water! Washing machines are merciless machines. They just keep throwing water at you!

Me: Would you relax? All clothes are washed ok? It’s always been so! You are not the first one!

Clothe: Haven’t you ever wondered why they stop talking once they are washed? Cause they die you idiot!

Me: No offense, but clothes are not living. They are dead already so they can’t die again!

Clothe: Alright then go ahead and kill me. But one day, I tell you, one day there is going to be a clothe court and a clothe home-department and they will see to it that justice is given to us clothes! And you will be spending ages and ages in clothe prison!

Me: Sigh! So what do you want me to do? You want me to leave you all dirty?

Clothe: I don’t have any objection to that

Me: You won’t! It’s me who is going to wear you and not the other way!

Clothe: So you don’t bathe either. I don’t mind having to spend my time with a dirty girl. We will compromise

Me: What? I can’t just not bathe!

Clothe: Oh yes you could. That means more free time for you. And that means more sleep.

I thought for a while. Though the proposition did seem to interest me for a while I had to get back to reality. 
“You almost got me there”. I took it to washing and the next time I took it to wear I heard a sigh.

Me: Still alive?

Clothe: Don’t talk to me

Me: What happened?

Clothe: You dipped me in soap. Do you know what it feels like to have chemicals all over yourself? Killin’ me was better

Me: So you didn’t drown

Clothe: No and now that I learned to swim I have no hope of suicide.

Well that’s the story of one big pessimistic clothe.

one doubt cleared

The following post contains a leetle bit about the movie Zathura: A Space Adventure. No big deal but nevertheless thought I will give a spoiler alert. 

My fancy pal Mr Jim and I were watching Zathura (a space adventure movie) on TV and he was confused about the boy Walter’s future self coming to them while they play. Jim consulted a genius to clear his doubts – me.

“Hey how did that happen?”

“It’s easy Jim. You see thats what would have happened to the boy Walter had he wished for his little brother to have never been born. He gets stranded in space and there is no little brother to take the next turn.””

“But then how did it happen?”

“It doesn’t. Cause Walter doesn’t wish that so it kind of, err, it unhappens.”

“I still don’t get it.”

“Yeah neither do I but this is how you’ve got to talk when someone asks you something. You don’t say you don’t know!”

Jim killed me.

March 22, 2008

Me, myself and Jim

Filed under: Conversation,Imagination,Jim and Me Conversations — Cris @ 12:42

It was night time when one side of the world had turned off its lights a few hours before and when I, belonging to the same side was about to do the same. After a few minutes of blaming the whole universe for putting me on the wrong side of the world, I was about to rest my ever-working mind to a 14-hour slumber when my fancy pal Mr Jim started talking.

Jim: Hey Cris! I’m not letting you go to sleep without finishing those 2 newspapers.

Me: Hey! What are you? My boss or my buddy?

Jim: Oh lets not get carried away here Missie

Me: Yeah

Jim: I’m your boss and it stays that way. No friendship in business.

I considered knocking him down and strangling him. But I changed my mind. I hated disturbing the natural position of my muscles. They weren’t possibly strong enough for any movement. Fourteen hours of sleep later I’d be strong enough for some major man-killing. In the mean time, I could satisfy myself with a few lovely beautiful murder dreams my 24-hour-working mind would cook up for me. I have a feeling Jim sensed my thoughts. He was having that ugly smirk on his face that said “mind that worked for 24 hours in all her 24 years of life hah. One hour of mind-working every year boy thats costly”

A little later

Me: I will read that newspaper tomorrow

Myself: So you are not going to read that novel either?

Me (looking around): If Jim is not around, I will

Myself: But this is ridiculous. You are afraid of a character you imagined!

Me: Alright so who are you?

Myself: I am your self!

Me: So am I but that’s not possible. There cant be 2 my selves, I am just one person

Myself (blushing): That’s true

Me: G’nite

Myself: Hey wait a minute so what about Jim? Whose self is that?!

Me: Too late. Time up!

And I went deep under the covers with my novel in hand. My self sighed.

March 21, 2008

Another one: who rides the car?

Filed under: Conversation,Imagination,Jim and Me Conversations — Cris @ 14:31

Me to myself – Third post on the same day? You are jobless! (stress on are). Just thought I will copy another conversation with mah fancy-pal Mr Jim. Again while we were TV- watching. You get the background – 2 jobless lazy creatures in a room. On this particular occasion, we were watching a movie with 3 guys riding a car and singing loudly.

Me: Say Jim, we should do this

Jim: You sure? You cant ride or sing without moving a few muscles

Me: (Raised an eyebrow to show my disappointment at his poor sense of humour) Its going to be great. I am going to ride a car with someone who sings like that (looking at the TV)

Jim: You think hes good?

Me: Of course not. When you take along a guy who sings that bad, you will feel you are KS Chitra (Madonna for non-Indians)

Jim: Haa

Me (with a smirk on my face): Why dont you come Jim?

Jim: My my arent you Charlie Chaplin born a century later!

Me: Seriously Jim it is going to be fun. Sing without a care in this world and ride a car

Jim: Singing can be done. But who is going to do the driving (he was becoming an expert in his raised eyebrow expressions)

Me: Considering I am the better singer I will need all my concentration there. You do the driving

Jim: Now thats the simplest solution ever Cris, you are brilliant! All we gotta do is, wait for me to come out of your imagination, be real, turn 18, get a license and bingo! We have reached our destination!

Me: Alright you just had to say you are afraid. If I can control the motion of a 5 feet 3 inch body completely by my 3 feet long legs,  then making a 4-wheeler move by my 2 feet arms should be child’s play.

Jim: If the 5 feet 3 inches is you, there is a difference my dear. Moving a body without a brain is not the same as moving something that has a gear and a horn.

I killed Jim.

An imaginary SRK

Filed under: Conversation,Imagination,Jim and Me Conversations — Cris @ 10:59

Scene: One evening in my room. My fancy pal Mr Jim and I were watching some channel on TV which kept showing the same commercials. Both of us were too lazy to find the remote control from my messy bed, forget going to the TV and changing channels. When an SRK ad kept showing up, Jim, who wasn’t particularly fond of the big fellow, frowned.

“So Cris, do you really need to have this fellow in your SRK conversation blogs?”

Me: “Which fellow would that be Jim?”

Jim: “Errrrr SRK”

Me: “Haha good one Jim. How can I possibly have SRK conversation blogs if SRK is not in it?”

Jim: “Well you could have SRK. But can’t you do with an imaginary SRK? I mean you don’t really need to have the real one do you?”

Me: “Ohhh… well… no not really. Yeah in fact I can do with an imaginary one Jim. No problem at all. You know when I see these ads on TV I say ‘So that’s where you go to when you are not in a plane with me’ ”

Jim: “Hehe yeah now he is free to go anytime isn’t he?”

Me: “He sure is Jimmie!”

March 20, 2008

ghost in the house

Filed under: Imagination — Cris @ 12:05

It was 2 AM in the night and I was preparing to turn in [quite early for someone following US time zone but what the heck I thought I will find out what India looked like in day time]. I was brushing my teeth when a grandingly striking, strikingly grand idea came to me. I could pretend to be a ghost! With uncombed hair and kajol coming down all over my face, I had the appearance ready. Some say I was born to be a ghost. Ignore the less bright ones I always say.

The night was young. And here I was, a young, terrifying, horrifying ghost, ready to drink some tea. Blood blood not tea, my ghostly thirst corrected me. I was ready to destroy the world. I needed background music. The dogs in the neighborhood seemed to be early-sleepers. So I did the howling myself. “Aaauuuuuuu”. Hmm I sounded good. Maybe I should try my luck in movies.

I sneaked around the big haunted house, ready to pounce on the first innocent unsuspecting victim. I went around the rooms making horror-movie noises. “Ting ting ting….” I opened the doors slowly. “Tirrrrrrr”
I found 2 sleeping humans. One of them was snoring. I gave out my bloody laugh. “Buhahaha”
That did it. I went too far with it. The sleeping human who was snoring woke up and stared at me. When I saw he was about to open his mouth, I fled. I was not a coward ghost but theories suggest a snoring father whose snores are interrupted might not find a ghost story at 2:30 AM interesting. I didnt wait to test the theory out.
Back in my room, I panted heavy pants waiting for footsteps to follow me and knock at my door. I heaved a sigh when I heard some beautiful musical snoring from the next room. The best sound in the whole world – snores – yes sir nothing can beat them.

I knew ghosts didnt sleep at nights. So I went into my special transforming machine and changed back to human. I needed my human brain to work so I had a few readymade answers to the few questions in the morning concerning a night prowler in the house who woke up people to say buhaha. I knew the answer I’d say. I’d have my most grave expression on and say “I want to  break this to you lightly Dad, but there are no such things as ghosts”

Disclaimer: The story in this strip is not entirely from real life. The few similarities between the character and me is entirely coincidential.

March 18, 2008

Finally we meet – part 2

Filed under: Conversation,Fiction,SRK Conversations — Cris @ 16:02

This seems to have become a habit of mine. These SRK conversations! And they all start the same way. Here goes…

I was sleeping, as I have decided I will since I found out that was the best way to spend life in the air. SRK woke me up again. “Hullo so we meet again mah lady”. I yawned, and as is my usual habit spend the next few seconds blinking. He went on “Not much change in you since we last met is there?”

“This is my second time in a plane. I don’t risk being conscious”

“You mean there is no risk if you are not awake?”

“Yup”

“Oh… well then here goes… rock a bye baby on a plane-top”

“What are you doing?”

“Lulling you of course. If you want an Indian one theres one of my own. Ahistha ahistha”

“Err you know maybe you should just stick to acting”

“You think I am no singer”

“Oh everybody is a singer. Some are just bad singers”

“Haha alright you win. So you know me this time right”

“‘Yeah you are SRK”

“That’s progress. And check this out, I remember you are SS”

“Wrong. I am C”

“Err C as in California?”

“C as in Cris”

“Whatever happened to the good old SS I thought I admired in our last meeting”

“Well you can start admiring C now. SS is now known as C”

“Goodness! Please don’t mind a grown up man cry but this is breaking my heart. You happen to have a hanky?”

“Tut tut dear boy. Don’t be silly”

“But why.. [sniff sniff]… did you.. [sob sob]… do it.. [sniff sniff]”

“I shoulda done it long back. I was ignoring it all this while”

“Ignoring what”

“The name C. You see SRK, dear boy, names are like men”

“They are?”

“Yeah. You fall in love with one, and you know you belong to that one. No use trying to attach yourself anywhere else. The one for you will keep coming back to you. So I knew there was only one solution.”

“Marriage?”

“Yup. And so after a painless divorce with SS – which I should say was like a child-marriage for me, I had no say in it and I was a minor – I am now happy with C”

“Well good for you I hope it lasts forever”

“Dont you worry SRK. I know you are dying to part with yours. If you want any help you know where the expert lives”

“On a plane where she sleeps every now and then she feels like imagining herself and me to be”

“You got that right Mistah”

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