I am something like a legal advisor. Today I am meeting Sally. I already know her story. Rich divorced woman trying to get her kid back. She could really support the kid. Now she could…
I am quite polite to all of them. I always keep a cheerful smile on my face. They all like me. I never say a harsh word. I sound concerned and caring. They’d come and tell me all their worries, everything. They trust me; they trust my ever smiling face. I listen to everything, every word with a passionate ear. I give them comfort. Relief. I know everything there is to know about these people.
I keep the cheerful smile and face all day. When I reach home I can bear it no longer. I wash my face and throw it away. I look at the mirror to see the real lines in my face. Of anger, hatred, distrust, jealousy…. of evil. After hearing each story, I lay plans. They never know how they go bankrupt, how they are broke all of a sudden. They would never dream I’d betray them. They wouldnt think me liable of cheating, lying, stealing. They would never imagine the kind
of maddening pleasure I get out of it. I am a saddist. I am… an imposter.
I wonder what happens when Sally loses her money. Will they let her have the child? I guess not.
There are 2 kinds of people in this world – normal people and more normal people. And I am a normal person. Now I do not like to be misjudged. Not being modest here, I like people to understand me just the way I am. I hate giving wrong impressions. Which is just what I seemed to have done with quite a few people.
This realisation I didnt take well. I still dont. I hate being pictured as a saint and I hate being pictured as a devil. I am neither.
I dont want to use a blog to describe me. But still if I were asked to tell about me, well, err, I would get stuck, tongue-tied. The first thing I should say is I am a perfect introvert. But ofcourse I’d be too introvertish to say even that! I’d probably smile awkwardly and make a perfect fool of myself!
Wrong impressions come by your own actions and when you are not ready to do anything to correct them. Its so in my case anyway. So lets go ahead and correct them. Its not that simple. All I have to do is be natural. And I am a natural introvert. I shouldnt try talk something when I have nothing to talk. Many people may be against this. But this is what I feel. When you have nothing to say keep mum. And when you want to say something, dont be afraid to. I dont do both. I talk at the most unnecessary points which makes it all so absurd. And I dont say a thing when I have to/ want to. I end up being a silly girl who talks a lot of silly things! Sigh!
This blog I keep as a motivator to speak when I should and keep quiet when I should. Two words – be natural! Remember that (the words are to myself!). I retire now! Will come back with the next entry!