On which side

Life is a war against death. It doesn’t mean death wins every time someone dies. Death wins when people choose death before death chooses people. Suicide is the only way life is beaten by death.

I am totally against suicide. I don’t say it’s a crime, I call it foolish. Be it anything, including starving to death, you fight till the end. I don’t know if life is a gift. But being able to think is certainly a gift. You are not just surviving, you are living. To throw it away at a bad moment is a very bad idea. Unless you are thrown into a life of non-stop pain (I mean physical pain cause though people may not agree, mental pain heals with time, it always did) – or an immobile life like a person with coma. So with a few exceptions of bodily deterioration, I don’t feel things which make life hard should be a reason to end life itself. Just give it time. It might get better, it might not. But you are not going to give up. You just don’t go choose death- we are never going to surrender. Cause we are on the side of Life. And we’d fight to make our side win. And win, we will.

Here comes the Winner!

Publishing the entry I made for the love letter competition at my work-place and which actually came out to be one of the winning entries 😀

Here goes:

Hullo little kid across the street,

I am another little kid on the other side of the street. I am a boy of 7 years and I expect you are a girl of 7. You certainly talk like one. In my class, 7 year old girls talk a lot so I know one when I see one. But I will tell you one thing honestly. You are not at all like any of the girls in my class. When they talk I can make out only blah-blahs. But when you talk, I can make out every word and that’s a big gift in a girl.

When I saw you at the store under the big lamp I knew you were the girl for me. You were looking untidy, you had your hair uncombed and you were holding a rubber ball exactly the kind we could use for a good home-cricket. There, I knew then and there we would make a great couple. I hope I could always find you dressed so perfect. I don’t want to be bossy already but I hope you will let me bat. Of course for the sake of love and all that, I’d let you bat once in a while too.

You could guess by now I am a very kind boy (I was actually looking for another word that started with g and has r and s in it but I couldn’t spell it). I have got some sports cards that I could give you. I don’t normally give anyone unless they offer me something in return. But you are different. I guess that’s what they call love. But I have always felt thats a funny word. So even if we become girlfriend and boyfriend I say we don’t use words like that, what about you? Now if it was a word like Geronimo it’d be cool. Maybe we will say I Geronimo you and you Geronimo me.

And when you come to play we could also use the TV to watch Swat Kats and have a drink or 2 (if you could bring pancakes it will be double great). It would be hard to drive my big brother away but if we both stand together I don’t think he will stand a chance. He is 100 pounds and I am 70. I have not mastered my Math yet so I couldn’t give you the exact figure but I guess a 50 from you should do it.

So little kid, you don’t have to wait for lucky charms to work anymore. Grab your gloves and that rubber ball and fly over to my place, 3rd house on this side of the street.

Lots of Geronimo,

The boy who wrote all this above

new wish!

New answer to if-you-get-to-have-one-wish-from-a-fairy-what-will-it-be. Just thought of it yesterday night. A huge amnesia-bomb would explode the whole universe out of all kinds of religion, caste,race,color, countries and the world would be just one huge collection of humans, one individual in no way different or inferior to another. There could be gender, but no discrimination against it and all the languages except one would be universally forgotten. The whole world would talk one language, everyone would be of one religion, everyone would be having the same wealth, same color, absolutely no difference. Woah I wish I could meet the fairy right away I cant wait any longer now that I can imagine what the world would be after the amnesia-bomb explodes… oh one more thing the amnesia-bomb could take away is all the wickedness and badness and evil and all ideas of discrimination likely to be born in human minds as well. I know the police and courts would be jobless after that but thats alright cause there will be plenty of other jobs in a good-only world to find for sure!

Nothing in this entry – just a bad-mood one

I dont know if writing a blog in one of your sombre moods is a good idea. I am going ahead anyway. Rule no 1 to myself before I lose control – restrict yourself and dont write things you will regret having published later.

Thats it. 1 rule,  a sombre mood and we are ready to start. So if I should talk about the reason for the sombre mood, checking with rule 1, no I cant go deep there. But well, it is a pain nevertheless – losing things are I mean. I dont mean I misplaced my purse or cell phone (which I did incidentally today in the morning) . I mean losing what meant so much to you and which you were too late to realise. I think I already wrote that in one of my blogs – but there I had a merrier mood cause it was a happy day for me. Ah that reminds me I said I will come back listing all thats important to me now before I lose them too..

I started a list now but erased it. They’d be violating rule no 1 too. So there is pretty much nothing left for me to write about except that I am worried. Sigh!

One thing though – when you are sad, you will find yourself getting more worried about things than otherwise- a sad movie makes you cry more,  a sad weather makes you sombre, a hungry child on the road wets your eyes, you find pain and suffering more easily… you get over sensitive… you’d be surprised to find there is so much of love and feeling in yourself…that sometimes you just might wish you werent so human after all! And the worst part is you find yourself actually not wanting to come out of all this… its like you go in search of pain and misery and want to dwell in it for a long long time. Human mind can be so strange really!

Hatred thy name is me!

I hate lifts. All kinds of them. The ones with 2 doors and the automatic ones – all of them! I dont know for how long I will hold onto these words but while my blood is still boiling in my skin I can say I will never enter a blasted lift in my entire 32 years of life (thats the self estimated life-end at this point of time – tomorrow it might very well be 62). I didnt realise the truth of his words when Langdon said he was scared of enclosed spaces in Da Vinci Code! Anyone would be if you got stuck in it. Well 5 minutes may all have been the period I was stuck in there when the lift suddenly stopped and I couldnt get out and was all by myself. On a lighter day, I wouldnt have minded and would have sung a song or two and mused about the world in general (though I actually did sing a song when I got bored of waiting but bringing out my singing talent has not altered my feelings for these things). But today those 5 minutes were crucial cause I missed my bus standing there!

Talking about buses, I hate them too. All kinds of them. But even in my most boiled blood situation I cant say I wont enter another bus in my entire life. Cause I have to rely on those b-things to get from one place to another. And anyway, it is men who drive them, they dont leave good unsuspecting passengers by themselves. Oh I hate men! All kinds of them – the ones with 2 legs and the ones with 4! They are all nasty I tell you.

I dont know what else is here that I could start hating as well. I have to look around and find out. I hate coffee mugs. I hate err yellow colored notepads. I hate many more things I cant remember right now! The keyword here is “hate”! To express my anger in words – grrrr grrrr grr grr grrr and grrr!

Ohhhhh its my Mom’s bday, the best day of the year and I have to start it with hatred and anger – well lifts and buses and men can remain bad, but my Mom still remains the best person in this whole world and as long as the world has my Mom its good enough for me – noone can hate a world with Mom in it… sigh… happy birthday Amma!

Music, stars and sky

 

Now that I am leaving my job soon, I was thinking about the things I’d miss. And last day on my way home, I was thinking how much I’d miss the bus trips. Its true I always curse the 1-hour long all-around-the-city trips. But now that I know I wouldnt have them anymore, I am starting to miss them.

The first thing on my mind when I get on to a bus is to get a window seat. Once I grabbed a comfortable one – (the back rows are the best cause you could experience most of the thrills of a really jumping ride in an amusement park) I’d open the window wide enough until the person sitting on the fornt seat say “ouch” when it hits his unsuspecting elbow. Its like a routine.
1. I climb the bus,
2. I grab a window seat, 
3. a person says “ou” in about 2 mins and
4. I say sorry.
I have a suspicion people watch me with hostile eyes and offer special prayers on Sundays they dont get a seat in the neighborhood of the famous Ms Window Hitter.

Me, oblivious to all these happening in my surrounding, go on happily and look out till I can see the sky. Then I get my mp3 player out, fiddle about for batteries (cause most of the time the batteries die pretty fast – there should be some way to preserve them and make them stop getting used when I would be having it on and dozing off not hearing a thing it plays) and play a song I think is most suitable right then. Talking about that, it works either way I have discovered. I am talking about moods you see. Sometimes I’d play songs which I think should match my mood and sometimes my mood keep changing to match the songs I play. We connect to each other so well, my songs and me I mean.

And then ladies and gentlemen its heaven! If there are people who havent tried before, I’d say they do it right away. Its one of the best combinations ever – night+sky+stars+moon  (if you are lucky enough to have the moon in your view and most of the times I’ve found that it actually listens to me and move around to where I can see it when I ask it to come; the other times I believe it must be sleeping so wouldnt hear me) +music+wind that blows through the window and move your hair all over (you’d be an untidy mess by the time you reach home but thats the price you gotta pay for a trip to heaven people!). It just takes your mind above eveyrthing else, you’d find it floating around. Well now there can be a difference – I am talking about the sad times you see. All these things, funnily, go along well both on your sad days and your happy days.  Its like the sky and the moon and the wind and the music are all there with you sharing your same thoughts and feelings. Its like a group of friends mourning together sadly or singing together happily. They are with you, thats the whole idea.

For a few days, I have been so happy about hearing the music and watching the sky in parallel, that after I get down from the bus I’d go straight down to the parking region where I could look up and watch the stars and dance to the music I hear without anyone seeing me (hopefully) and go home after that. But one day, I found that I was terribly depressed and I just couldnt listen to or smile to the music I heard even after I got a side seat and saw the sky. Even the sky seemed to be mourning with me as it turned all cloudy. I imagined the stars were hiding to cry in peace. Talking about stars, I have named about 21 stars that I could recognise (I actually named them when I was 20-21 so that there’d be as many stars as my age) and my favorite one is one I call Vinnie. I imagine there is a girl called Vinnie  (yup the star was named Vinnie after the girl Vinnie who lives there) in that star and the twinkling I see is when she switched her lights off and on so I’d look up and talk to her. I in turn, wave my mobile phone on and off (ok its a really silly thing but well everyone has a thing like this dont they). Vinnie, on that day, came out of the clouds when I looked up and kept twinkling sorrowfully to tell me she knew how I felt.

Well I guess I drifted away from what I was talking about. So these night bus trips, they are really awesome. I am so sad I will have to miss it in a few days. I hope wherever I go, I will get to have these beautiful bus trips with music to go with it. Car trips are just not the same, its got to be a bus.

And the other day, I had a novel half read so I was wondering if I should read it in the dim light or go for my music-sky thing. Of course the latter won and I had another splendid night.

I just realise that I have a lot of things I treasure a lot without really thinking about it. I mean these trips mean so much to me and I didnt think about it till now, when I have to leave it behind. Sigh, I guess thats the sad reality of life. You never know the value of what you have got when you have actually got it with you. Next day, I will write about all the things I have got now with me, so I will realise how important they are to me before I lose them!

Hullo Feb!

So February is here. I am not sure if I should mourn for January or sing for Feb. February is not my personal favorite cause I dont like the sound of it. It is so unromantic. But then its got Amma’s, Divsu’s, Zacson’s, Chechi’s and Rosily’s birthdays. And then there is Valentine’s Day/Nish’s marriage. That takes care of 6 days and I like February 29th cause its a rare thing. So 7 days being good, I cant really say the month is bad. Maybe I should just call it a different name and it wont be so bad. My favorite month is November – it sounds so perfect. I wish I was born in November.

But theres something about February that makes you think of flowers. No wonder people go for flowers on Valentine’s day. It must be the month flowers first came to earth. It is silly saying it but it is good to imagine that way. I would have called it Florine but I could remember an element with the same name. Thats Flourine and florin means some kind of coin. So I will call it Florine till I could think of another name.

Song : (To be sung like “Tomorrow tomorrow I love you”)

Oh Florine Oh Florine, I love you Oh Florine 

You are so short and sweet!