Story of a lost journalist

May 3, 2013

Conversation between Cris n Curl

Filed under: Conversation,humor — Cris @ 01:06

Entering a lift, a hair called Curl gets stuck in one of the rails.

Cris: “Why, why, why do you want to leave me?”

Curl: “Hah?”

Cris: “I give you the best treatment you could possibly get!”

Curl: “I repeat, hah?”

Cris: “I don’t brush you, not comb you, barely touch you!”

Curl: “Well that’s true”

Cris: “Imagine what will happen if you leave me – you die!”

Curl: “Gulp, but I thought I will get freedom of movement. This root-thing sucks”

Cris: “Well move, move all you like, just keep your head on my head”

Curl: “My head’s getting rusty”

Cris: “Yea if you go out, you’d have no head! You will be stuck in a stupid railing all your life”

Curl: “Oh”

Cris: “Just look at that guy over there, combing and combing his hair. Or the girls who go styling and styling their hair! Do I subject you to any such torture?”

Curl: “Well no I barely ever see you up there”

Cris: “That’s what I am talking about. It’s the best place for a hair to live in, my head.”

Curl: “Maybe you have a point.”

Cris: “I always do. Now ask all your friends to come live here too, all are welcome. I am willing to give the last millimeter of empty space. All for free, no lease.”

Curl: “You are too kind, Cris. Sniff.”

Cris: “Don’t mention it my friend. I would also be happy if you all have millions of children and live there happily ever after.”

Curl: “Sniff”

March 22, 2012

Cris Cracks 8

Filed under: Cris Cracks,humor — Cris @ 15:11
Tags:

I thought she’s dead but Miss CC stays alive! She calls a columnist Miss D today to remind her about the column. D returns the call.

D: Hi CC

CC: Hi CC, this is D here.

June 12, 2011

Cris Cracks – 7

Filed under: Cris Cracks,humor — Cris @ 17:52

Day would have been rather mechanical had not kidder boss M decided to kid around. Was busy getting last-minute quotes for a story well past its deadline. A psychologist was next in cue – to get a quote from, that is. Since still new in Kochi, asked boss for a contact. He types a number and calls it his personal psychologist – ‘the one who treats me’. Believes it for of course – a little unstable on the head has to be a pretty common affair among those higher up the ladder. Dials happily.

“Hello, Dr S?”

“No… (probably saw the phone number) who is this?”

“This is from DC newspaper, Kochi (tiny bells start ringing in head. What did the boss say about it being a resident doctor… oh oh)”

“I see, I am M’s wife”

“Oh….”

Silence

“Ohh…. Ohhh… ohhhhhhhhh! Sorry ma-ma maaam. Hehe (why do all embarrassing talks end with hehe, as if it helps!)”

Cuts.

Still hangs on, feeling dumb.

Tells boss who breaks into laughter and apologizes, before passing on the news to other humor-deprived colleagues. Can’t help it, it was funny. Didn’t mind, for once being the source of a little entertainment on a lazy Sunday in office.

 

 

January 27, 2011

Mr D’s first date

Filed under: humor — Cris @ 23:17

Warning: Most of the post is in Malayalam. The context would be familiar only to Malayalam movie lovers. Apologies, others. (Yea I have got a few million readers :p)

Note: The following is based on a real incident, maybe, with a wee bit of input from my side 😀

Mr D stood in front of the mirror. “Bharye, ninakku sukamano?”

Oops. It is not his first night. It is his first date.

He tried again. “Hahaha mandi penne ninakku sukamano?”

Sure winner if she was Sheela. Maybe, he thought, he should say: “Raju mon ennodu chodichu, uncle…”

He tried variations.

“Welcome to Thironthoram, nice to meet you.” Good ol Jagathy.

“Ishtamanedo, enikkishtamanedo” Modern day lovah boy?

“Ormayundo ee mukham?” Suresh Gopi Zindabad

“Chanduvine ellarum tholpichu.” Hmm maybe, it is not the right occasion.

Two hours of ‘mirror-work’ later Mr D was ready. He would mix Nazir and Mohanlal, add a bit of Jagathy and Sreeni. What if she likes comedy? Hmm maybe some of Jayan, a bit of Prithvi…

He reached his destination. The hotel. He pointed her to a chair. “Shoba…,” he began. He cursed himself for not getting a rosa poo. Expecting a ‘Dineshetta I love you’, he slowly sat down on his chair with his best smile.

PLUCH!

The chair broke. Mr D was on the floor, some part of him tangled with the chair. The smile stayed on. Sreeni broke a bed, Mr D, a chair. Not bad.

She watched in horror and said “You dweeb! You have a girl called Shoba and you try to hit on me?!”

PADAK  THADAK  PADAK!

Maybe dating at 30 was not the best idea, D thought.

Arranged marriage, here I come. Doctor, enne onnu upadeshikku.

Ennu, Thalathil Mister D.

December 31, 2010

Cris Crack Series – 6

Filed under: Cris Cracks,humor — Cris @ 03:07

Been a while since I cris-cracked. This time I am going to have a laugh at the expense of a dear friend I call Anthrappan. It is a she by the way. Two of her cracks in the recent days:

Occasion 1: (I will be C, Anthrappan will be A)
C: Hi Anthrappan it’s me.
A: Hi
C: Eda, I am doing a story (news article) and I want Bobby’s quote. Do you have his number?
A: Bobby’s coat?
C: Yea, I need a lawyer’s quote for my story.
A: You want to use his lawyer’s coat?
C: Yea, his quote.
A: You want him to bring his coat all the way from Delhi to Trivandrum???
C: Err I will call him, over phone.
A: Ohhhh…. Quote!

Occasion 2:
Anthrappan and I did an interview of Malayalam filmmaker Ranjith recently. After this, she stored his phone number in her phone, and accidentally replaced another Ranjith in her phone book. The other one was her colleague. On one occasion, she wanted to contact this colleague to get 10 calendars in the office. And of course, dear Anthrappan dialed the number of you-know-who. (She was also advised to speak sweetly to her colleague so he will agree to pass the calendars)

A (sweetly): Hi Ranjith
R: Hi
A: Are you busy?
R: No tell me
A (wondering about the voice-change): I was wondering if you could give me ten calendars?
R: What???
A: At least five? For our section.
R: You want me to send you calendars?
A: Yea. You don’t have to bring it yourself. Send it through the peon?
R: Me???
A: Not you. The peon.
R: !!!
A: At least 2?

Okay, I may have exaggerated a bit here and there. But you get the picture. That’s our Anthrappan. And what’s worse, she has been telling people that she did what is usually done by her friend Cris!

January 31, 2010

Class comedies

Filed under: humor — Cris @ 13:52

When I was out looking for some humour to write about, I was tipped that a lot of comedy is found these days in a classroom. Students, they say are good sources of humour. That should be true, I myself hold a record of being those humour sources back in my student days. So here is a couple from one of my own dear students.

It is an English class and we are doing a lesson on vocabulary. We come across the word ‘immortal’. One student, let us call her K, enthusiastically raises her hand. “Yes?” I ask. “It is when a man goes to a lady other than his wife”, she says and beams happily. I stare but another student N is fast. “That is immoral!”

Another occasion, this time, an exam. But K asks me “There is a word embarrassed here. It means kettipidikkuka (to hug) right?”

“That is embraced!!!!”

So there. I am not laughing at K. She is a dear student. And I am worse than her. Today I see a dead cockroach in the office and I tell “marichu poyi” and my colleague finds it amusing. “Chathu” is apparently the right word in Malayalam for saying an animal died. But that is not fair. Death of an animal should not be looked down as an insignificant matter cause it is the death of an animal. I mean death is death. You don’t say in English “A man dies, but a cockroach chies”. It is the same sad feeling for all. The Amma cockroach, the Appa cockroach, the cockroach sahodaranmar and the cockroach sahodarimar would all be a sad lot today. We should respect that!

October 20, 2009

Nice people

Filed under: Daily Rot,humor — Cris @ 13:19

Every now and then I have to revise my views about the goodness of people.
Today I am of the opinion that it is all good people. But you might catch me saying another day, it is all bad people. And then I would have no memories of whatever I am going to say now about the goodness.
You see, I don’t like the word consistency. I think it is a burden on the whole dictionary keeping it there.

Interestingly, all the goodness I found recently was in bus stops. So if you feel the world is nasty, I would advise to go catch a bus. You are not to blink your eyes or offer to take me home. It happens to be a sound advice!

First instance was when I had to go to this new place. I went to a random bus stop which had the looks of taking me to my new place. Now people may say books and covers are not related to each other, but I say – uhh err – bus stops and buses are! A lady there said yes I came to the right bus stop, and she went out of her way to help me. She found the right bus for me, sent me off and even told the conductor where I wanted to go. Wow! All that for a strange specimen like me, who looked like she just got out of bed because she just got out of bed.

Second instance was today. I was again at a bus stop and the sun was showing no mercy. It decided to shine brightly and whats worse it decided to do so right on my cheeks! Ouch the burns. I was not quiet about it. “Darn… grr… argh… hmph… bow” – some of the samples from my sun-protests. I was smartly doing the protests standing next to a girl with an umbrella. She took the clue, smiled at me and offered to share her umbrella. I smiled gleefully, and entered.

So you see, the world is full of nice people, good people, wonderful people, lovely people and well, you know it is all just… hmm it is all just nice.

March 4, 2009

Cris crack series – 5

Filed under: Cris Cracks,humor — Cris @ 13:25

Ok its that time again.

News Desk

Editor: Can you read the last title that you send?
C: Sure
[Opens document]
“Asteroid gives earth a cloth shave”

In case you are wondering what the original was replace the ‘th’ of cloth with ‘se’.

Conversation with friend DD

C: That blog post you wrote was really impressive
DD: Which one
C: The one on Shanghumugham ambalam (temple). It was really great… about the injustice of girls not being allowed… and…
DD: Ahem
C: Yeah?
DD: Sabarimala temple. Shanghumugham beach

Chat conversation

(Sorry but this is kind of a Mallu joke)

J: Velil irna pambine edthu tholi vechu (translation: Take snake and put on shoulder er which means invite trouble)
C: Next time
S: What?
C: The pump in Veli right? We will clean it next time

February 20, 2009

Cris Crack series – 4

Filed under: Cris Cracks,humor — Cris @ 00:25

I have an amazing lot of work pending. Including an exam tomorrow for which I lived up to my historical academic habits – completely forgetting the fact that an exam calls you to spend sometime for er-whats-that-thing-again? Oh yeah preparation. TidyCity has really kept me busy.

But been away from Cris’sWorld too long. So will narrate a short Cris-crack.

Location: South Park hotel, Trivandrum
Subject: Superb sense of direction
Destination: Press Club
Right route: Get out of South Park, walk left
Cris’s course of action: Got out of South Park, walked right.
Cris’s realization point: “Oh oh I have reached the University College. That is in Palayam. The place I have to go to is Press Club, that is in Statue. Something is wrong here”

So that precious piece of knowledge that ‘where University college was, was Palayam’, had saved Cris from walking to er – well if she knew that she wouldn’t have been there in the first place.

A bonus Cris crack if you have survived this long.

Scene: Cris walks uphill. Sees car with colleague driving it.
Whats wrong with it? Colleague could have given her a lift from office if he was driving to the same place.
Cris’s reaction, when colleague stopped car and smiled: Dushtaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (translates to hmm, cruel mannnnnnnnnnnnnn)
Colleague reacts by smiling and looking behind him.
Cris follows his eyes to see her General Manager in the backseat.
Her face turned red,
“Oh no oh no Ma’am I didn’t know you were there. Ayoooooo (translates to a Malayalam oh no)”

January 7, 2009

Cris Crack Series – 3

Filed under: Cris Cracks,humor — Cris @ 09:39
Tags: ,

There are too many of this happening people would think I am making this up. I hope!

 

 

This is from yesterday. A teacher in class was talking about the time Emergency was declared in the country. Which, err, due to certain valuable preoccupations I had to miss. So he looks up and asks “But of course none of you were born during the Emergency”

 

 

There was a sudden ‘no’ in the class from everyone. And thats when it struck me. I had to respond. So I promptly asked my neighbor “Wasnt the Emergency in 1984?”

 

She frantically nodded. And then I frantically nodded ending up the only person in class who was there during the Emergency. Our teacher was shocked. “Really you were there?”

 

 

I thought, sigh this is happening cause I took the software route instead of coming here straight. Yes I nodded again, like this was an unbeatable feat. So he proceeded “Oh well.”

 

 

Coming home, it struck me again. 1984 was when Indira Gandhi expired, the Emergency happened in 1975!! That means I told my teacher I was a 33 year old woman sitting with a bunch of 20 year olds!!! Sheesh sheesh sheesh! It was bad enough I was older than the other kids by 2 or 3 years but this… I am sure I’d be one of the few women on earth who volunteered to give an older age, so enthusiastically!

 

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