Story of a lost journalist

July 16, 2010

Does Love Last?

Filed under: love — Cris @ 00:45

Love. Wherever I turn to, it is somehow a discussion on love. There is nothing unusual about that. What makes me write is the specific concern about love that keeps coming back. Does it last?

The first one was when a colleague wrote about arranged and love marriages. Another said love – the feeling is consistent – but it needn’t be towards the same person. Convenient! It kept bringing back that thought which I fear – that no love is consistent. And no I don’t mean this version of feeling-lasts-but-lover-does-not.

Seriously – cant one love another forever? In fairy tales yes, in movies of course. But in real life? Here is what I read in today’s The Hindu – http://www.hindu.com/2010/07/15/stories/2010071554571100.htm

So all that crush stuff we talk about is an ‘unconscious’ feeling of lust? Yech! I’m not going to accept that. Crush is crush – you like something about the person, which attracts you to him, but you have no idea what it is on introspection. And that’s what makes it special. How can love be love if there is logic in it? No way.

Love should be mysterious, incomprehensible, unpredictable and totally devoid of logic. For example, you cant decide – person X has so many qualities matching to mine, I will pick him. That may work for arranged marriages. But not in love. But then again, it might be one of these qualities which worked the magic, you never know. I say the whole concept of love crumbles if you bring your calculations into it. In other words, brain has no place in it. Which is why I wont buy the piece in The Hindu.

But one part they say is about long-time friends becoming a couple at some point in life. Now this has been an area I keep debating with self and never can find an answer to. Friendship, I have always held as a divine and platonic relationship and I cant imagine anything coming in between to shatter that. Not even love. I have always seen friendship above love though I hear people say it is one and the same. I will say this much. To lovers, friendship is an added advantage. But to friends, love is an intruder who will forever change something divine that they had all this while.

Today I just read Doctors and it is again the same theory. I don’t want to carry any spoilers in case someone wants to read it – the book is lovely and I would wish I had a Barney in my life like that.

Two things bother me. The consistency factor and the friendship factor. However much I believe that marriage could put an end to all your “intense” feelings making it a matter-of-fact relationship taken for granted, I still like to fantasize that there exists true love. That someone is there for someone else – forever, not changing faces in between. Just one for another. Now it would be really sad if there is no such thing.

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6 Comments »

  1. Interesting writing Cris! Unfortunately the nature of life is such that everything has a beginning and an end. And this transience, I find as the best part of living. Even true love won’t last for long, but it would still be “true” for as long as it lasts. I don’t think marriage takes away the possibility of true love. Caring, sharing, laughing, poking each other, marriage certainly has lots to offer. But yes, true love is not a guarantee in married life. One has to create the space for it, and wait for it to emerge on its own, in one familiar form or the other. In the end, life would still remain a mystery. Only a few things are as we expect. I always remember these lines of Kamala Das. No one can put it better than her :

    When I die
    Do not throw
    The meat and bones away
    But pile them up
    And let them tell
    By their smell
    What life was worth
    On this Earth
    What love was worth
    In the end.

    Enjoyed reading! 🙂

    Comment by Anand — July 18, 2010 @ 13:07 | Reply

    • Thanks Anand, that is a beautiful trip from MK :-). I respect your opinion cause you speak from experience. I wanna hear the same from people married for years and years!

      Comment by Cris — October 1, 2010 @ 21:47 | Reply

  2. I agree that the article in Hindu is nothing but crap. The author has tried but in vain to explore the ‘nature’ of love. It indeed begins with an attraction for the other person. But once you start interacting with each other, the attraction for physical reasons begin to diminish. This, some people, interpret as “loosing interest” or “loosing love”. True that you might not want to keep looking at your lover once you are married. True that you might not feel the need to ring her/him up and update him/her of everything in your life. Those butterflies in your tummy might feel too tired to spread the wings again… But when you lie sick or when you hit a jackpot, he/she will be first person whom you want to be with because you know the comfort, the sense of ‘belongingness’ that person provides you. I believe that’s the true nature of love – you feel at home, no matter where you are, how you are!

    Listen to this song by Jim Reeves:

    “In the misty moonlight
    By the flickering firelight
    Any place is all right
    Long as I’m with you (long as I’m with you)

    In a faraway land
    On the tropic sea-sand
    If your hand’s in my hand
    I won’t be blue

    Way up on the mountain,
    Way down in the valley
    I know I’ll be happy
    Anyplace, anywhere
    I don’t care

    In the misty moonlight
    By the flickering firelight
    Any place is all right
    Long as you are there

    I could be happy in one little room
    With only a table and a chair
    As happy as I’d be in a kingdom by the sea
    Darling, if you were there
    And I could be rich or I could be poor
    But if you were by my side
    I could be anyplace in this whole wide world
    And I know I’d be satisfied

    Way up on the mountain,
    Way down in the valley
    I know I’ll be happy
    Anyplace, anywhere
    I don’t care

    In the misty moonlight
    By the flickering firelight
    Any place is all right
    Long as you are there…”

    Now, did I make any sense? Ha! HA! Ha!

    Comment by Sambhu Sankar — August 8, 2010 @ 11:44 | Reply

  3. Relationships are not to be named by the names we assign them. You just can’t name every relationship,each one is an array of feelings assembled together like a child mixes colours. You just cannot create two that are excatly the same.No two relationships are the same, yet we have a few names to refer to them all. Just not fair on them, I would say.

    Comment by ashik — October 8, 2010 @ 20:21 | Reply

    • @ashik: Maybe, I suppose it is a different feeling for each individual.

      Comment by Cris — November 2, 2010 @ 15:42 | Reply

  4. I very well knew a little boy,a 8 year old one, who fell in love with a beautiful girl in the 4th G of HAC. He used to come early and stand by the gate to walk with her to the class, During Intervals, he used to roam around in search to get a glimpse of her, he always used to run between periods to fetch new chalks and duster from the comparatively far staff room to ensure that she never had to walk,and to never let her foots pain.Even far before, the handy cam and hdd cam’s, he used to capture and saved every single moment of her sight, her smile and every word she murmured in the class and outside. The First, Last and the Only time he spoke to the girl was the last day of the class and the words were “see you”.. Days,Months and Years passed by but he kept her in his heart and loved her for a very long time keeping himself away from all other girls who came across his way… Even at his age of 27, he could remember those beautiful brown eyes, curly hair and the mesmeric smile of his angel from the Holy Angel’s Convent, so clear as if she has been always with him these couple of decades passed since there last meeting. As I very well knew this little boy and has known him through out his life, I feel.. True Love always lasts…

    Comment by Javed Miandad — November 15, 2010 @ 00:55 | Reply


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