Story of a lost journalist

September 9, 2008

Archimedes, Newton and Me

Filed under: Daily Rot — Cris @ 13:02
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A teacher of mine advises to start love affair with words. Problem is withering memory of old age refuses to remember so many. Hmm hard work in need. Also scored absolutely pathetic for a current affairs test. Immediate reaction was an urge to bury head in a deep pit of mud and stay that way for the rest of life. However, urge stayed urge and head is still floating about. All light-weighted things do, they tell me. Or at least that’s what someone called Archimedes says, he found that in a bath tub.

I walk out, I get apples thrown at my head (affectionately of course), I take baths and err I have occasionally spotted bath tubs around. Why do these things never hit me? Why couldn’t it be me who discover floatation and gravity? Brilliant brain said: it was already done. And if possibility of multiple births exists, I must have been Archimedes once, born again to be Newton next, and finally born to be, err, me. Going by historical taste for discoveries, any day, any minute now, the world can expect something more. Expecting outside-Physics this time. Hmm should reserve meself a page in Wiki. This is going to be my url : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MsCris

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September 5, 2008

The art of meeting

Filed under: humor — Cris @ 23:11
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It’s getting better. Earlier I mentioned about turning to a talker, today I became a meeter (Stupid MS Word keeps changing that to meter!) as well. Another online friend again. It was absolutely, totally and completely gulp-free. Friend says it’s my charm, I say it’s my charm, waiter says its my charm, so does biller, so does… oh well you get the picture. I was charming. Only bit of out-of-the-ordinary was actually in the recognition process. You see friend was seeing me and I was seeing friend for the first time – it involved a lot of seeing and anything involving a lot of anything was not an easy thing.

Me being the late comer went inside the eat-out, came and stood near chomping person showing high potential of being friend. Did the raise-brow test – test works as follows: if friend was friend, the raised brow would be given special attention which goes ah-oh-uh-you, if friend was stranger it would be treated with another raised brow which goes I-can-do-it-with-both-eyes-open-so-scram. This was the normal communication norm, one that was always lying around and I had just discovered. These sudden enlightenments always happen at dire circumstances. Wasted entirely on potential-friend who preferred chicken nuggets to eyebrow tester.

Storming female, err me, went outside and made chomper leave all chomping alone and pick me up. And there, I entered gracefully for a second time. Unfortunately grace was lost on the audience who were all like my friend, champion chompers. There were a few who recognized the weirdo who did her evening walks in an eat-out.

Keeping all embarrassments aside, or maybe cause I was finished with my share for the day, chose to attack both Chompy here and his food. However Chompy was chomping which meant business was left to, gulp, me. Hmph I decided Chompy deserved no sympathy, he did everything that called for a major Cris attack – an outflow about coffees, why coffees were not teas and why teas were for devils while coffees for angels. Chompy was a wise fellar and he realized there was a lot of coffee talked about here. He didn’t like that. The man stood for nuggets.
“Chicken nuggets”
“Oh”
“Yes”
“What are chicken nuggets?”
“These.”
“Oh”
“Cutlets”
“What?”
“Nuggets should be nuggets”
This was something I wholeheartedly agreed to. I always like it when nuggets are nuggets, I pointed out.
Glad of some harmony here, he proceeded to the other topic.
“Cutlets”
“Cutlets should be cutlets”. I volunteered.
Gleam in eyes, glow in face, my friend saw that he had just met a kindred soul. Deeply impressed by this enlightenment, he nodded
“Yes nuggets should be nuggets and cutlets should be cutlets. One should not be the other… but you knew that!”

Ah, was all too familiar with that look. Outright admiration. So impressed was he that Chompy actually left the last nugget’s last half’s last seventeenth piece entirely at my disposal. The boy was generous, I acknowledged by raising hands. Was afraid he would next fall straight down to my knees and ask for blessings. Not that I wasn’t generous with them, but maybe another time.

(The above story is based on a real life incident but the author may have taken the privilege of doing a wee bit of exaggeration here and there – this line shows its presence here in case Chompy reads this and makes plans to cook Cris nuggets next time)

August 29, 2008

Resigning as a daily blogger.

Filed under: Just talking,Personal — Cris @ 20:30
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I have sad news to make. I am resigning. As a daily blogger. All attempts to write daily have been failing. Cause 1, I run out of ideas, 2, I had a weird realization that writing when you don’t have ideas could be bad, and 3, I cant keep track of time – I forget that daily is daily and not 3 days later.

There is a fourth very important reason. I started to churn out absolute rot. Look for instance what I thought I will paste here one day –

“Some people think writing is an easy job. That all you need to do is to open a Word document and stare at it and words would fall down from the sky, well, or the roof. And when that does not happen they look up at the roof and decide its having a bad day. Not your fault, cause you did your job. You were the Good Samaritan who took the trouble of staring into a blank page. What could you do if creativity didn’t find its way from all the way above to come and hit your head?

Some people became some more people today. I joined them.”

Seeing that was what made me reach for my retirement papers. Yes yes, there is probably an age limit for daily bloggers. Those old bloggers who write daily, am sure are working illegally. Moreover I started showing womanly qualities – the biggest being I detest being called a woman, I prefer girl. I know at 25, a girl is not a girl but a girl is a [gulp] woman. Britney spears when she sang she was not a girl or a woman was not 25, she was 18. And when a woman starts being a woman, you have to quit. Cause your daily entries will have an inclination to be hmm, womanly.

But not to worry, it is just a phase. Cause women, I have noticed, exist. This wouldn’t have been possible if every time they heard someone call them women they went to jump into the sea and say goodbye cruel world. They get over the phase and continue to live, probably with heavily broken hearts. I mean they completely take it to their head the rest of the world is going to look at their face and say “She’s a woman”. Although nobody knows why that needs pointing out, there you have it – the world will always tell you things you don’t need telling. If it weren’t for them, I’d have grown up into a 100 year old girl in a matter of years. Hmph.

So, children, readers, audience, adieu.
Disclaimer: this is only official, and like every official deal, it has every intention of being unofficial and I’ll join them illegal old writers.

August 22, 2008

A wedding, hmm, again

Filed under: Just talking,People — Cris @ 02:30
Tags: , , ,

Egad third in the wedding series, I realize – this being first and this, second. So proceeding with the typical beginning – I have been to a wedding the other day. Being a hartal[strike], I walked. Oh I had company. In the form of an 80 year old. My Grandma. Now that I remember, she was walking too as a matter of fact. And since the two of us were headed for the same destination, you know the wedding place, we decided to walk together. And thus started our 3-hour long vacation trip.

It was supposed to be a celebrity packed wedding. And I estimated right. Of course I had a good heart and people with good hearts, went for weddings. Volunteering to accompany the poor old girl was of course my primary intention…. BEEP! [Lie detected]. I should change blogs, this one keeps shouting back! Can’t a girl have some solitude around here?

Going back to my story, err forget about primary intentions. Lets talk about other things. Ok, so the prospect of watching a few popular people may have interested me a little [BEEP], ok a lot [BEEP], ok it was all I had in mind! There, you happy?!
I wasn’t let down there. Celebrities came in the form of the groom himself for one. Vidhu Prathap. His singer friends made the guests. I was about to witness a new addition in my daily activities. Seeing Yesudas. For the second consecutive day, the great man was standing inches before me. His son another inch away. Vineeth, the actor who danced was closer. Unfortunately celebrities suffered a major drawback. They failed to notice extremely important human entities, namely me.

So all the ogl… I mean observations had to be one-way transactions. Oh by the way, other things too happened there, you know, like a wedding for one. Luckily, they make it easy to identify bride and groom in a wedding. Like this Mallu blogger wrote, if you saw a lot of gold that moves, don’t bother to find a human behind it, be assured it’s your bride. Groom is not always easy to find especially when he wasn’t a Vidhu Prathap. You have to depend on your intuitional skills there. If you are in the habit of making sixth sense predictions come true, that will come handy here.

And then of course photos. A fellow blogger had done a good job of it the other day. So am not going into details here. Except, us good-looking guests have a tough time avoiding these guys [BEEP] [BEEP] [BEEP]. Alright, alright!!!

A place where a queue system or any other system except mob stampede has failed is what you call a “Kalayana Sadhya” [wedding banquet] in Malayalam. You push a few here, you stamp a few there, you somersault over a few others, and you are a winner. I hear underground-entrances and helicopter dropping are expected to evolve as the new strategies for Sadya survival. Whew, no beeps! Maybe it is true!

And like yet another blogger had mentioned [seems weddings are the in things], a wedding is always a place to perfect your silly face expressions. You will meet hundred and one people you have no clue of and be asked to remember who they were. Of course, you saw them just a couple of decades back when you were a toddler. There is no question of forgetting.

But what am I complaining for. Yesudas, Chithra [that was another dream come true], the others, the 2 bolis (yellow things they serve for Sadya) made my day. And maybe one day, 20 years later I will go ask a girl if she remembered me picking her up as a baby, and she will groan and emit a 100-watt smile and then I will hear all those hundred and one clueless people grab my conscience to say “Now you know!”

August 8, 2008

Why I shouldnt write today?

Filed under: Just talking — Cris @ 23:59
Tags: ,

I wanted to make daily blogging a, hmm, daily thing! Unfortunately thoughts just vanish like that sometimes – zap! And when thoughts vanish, words vanish. And writing without words, could be a little difficult. The important thing to know about writing is to know when not to write. Obviously I do not know the important thing!
And hence, I am here.

Hmm so. Hmm. I don’t believe this. Absolute blankness. Could be this new habit I am acquiring. Sleeping early. Waking up early. Somebody who said that line about early to bed, wrote it before meeting me. That’s for sure. And I have been informed that having chosen the profession I have started on, meant I am essentially something – a maverick, or in lighter words, an eccentric. Coming from very high authority, and an experienced and respected person in the field, I accept that wholeheartedly (and admittedly, cheerfully). Hence I will be taking every effort to reestablish my late-hour strolls and early morning slumbers. Emm. Right. From tomorrow. Yawn!

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