Story of a lost journalist

July 25, 2012

There’s Life After Rape

Filed under: My Musing Moments — Cris @ 16:03

There is a reason why I liked Padmarajan’s Namukku Parkaam Munthirithoppukal  more than his Thoovanathumbikal. Same reason why I liked 22 F Kottayam, despite its mixed reviews and violence. The message that being raped does not mean your life is over. I have, like most other girls in Kerala, grew up with the belief that if you are raped you need to commit suicide. You are not supposed to live after that. I don’t know what first prompted me to question why should the victim suffer more. But when I did, I saw the problem of the values being fed by the society and the stories it made. They said that the wronged had no place in life, she had to go. When it had to be the other way around.

So when I saw Namukku Paarkaam which did not try to kill Sophie off after her rape because she had to be a virgin for the hero, I felt some sort of justice. For here was Solomon coming for her in his lorry, and asking her “Why didn’t you come out after my second honk?” When she hesitates “I thought…” he pulls her up to the vehicle and drives away with her. I felt such calm. Maybe 22 F tried a modern version. Tessa was no virgin to begin with. But what made it good for me is that she doesn’t kill herself after two rapes. I am not saying rape is such a small thing to be ignored and be brushed off like a ‘dog bite’. But it is definitely not the end of your life. Like any other accident, you take rest, you take your medicines and you get well and come back to life. If a thief robs you, you punish the thief, not yourself. I don’t know which misguided soul started giving the message the other way around and punished the girl for the rape. But I am glad the misguided soul and his misguided ideas are being thrown out of the window now.

I am outraged by a lot of assault cases of recent times. I only hope the girls will bandage their wounds, let it heal and come back to life, brighter than before.

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7 Comments »

  1. Its not only the victim that needs to take the medicine, the society also needs to takes its fair share of medication, to restore what it has lost in Respect for women and taking prompt action against the wrong doers. It would be better if there is a Bigger window to throw these unfair ideologies out …. For that every individual in the Society has to contribute.

    Comment by Blungi — July 25, 2012 @ 16:22 | Reply

  2. Thing is Blungi, there was never a lot in the first place, to lose.

    Comment by Cris — July 25, 2012 @ 16:41 | Reply

  3. The physical bruises are healed but the wounds caused by that man or men are difficult to heal especially when it is caused by someone whom she trusted.

    It is not shame or thelost virginity that makes her decide to end her life but the lose of trust on the world she lives in, after what she has gone Through..

    Biological virginity might be lost following a rape but morally she may remain virgin like our Sophie and most Solomon’s as I believe have the wisdom to know it.
    Virginity is a matter of mind than body..

    Comment by Javed Miandad — July 27, 2012 @ 06:00 | Reply

  4. I so hear you.. been through a similar thought process.. wondered why would she commit suicide.. what drives her to it? when I was much younger I thought it was ‘shame’.. but then later realized there were/are many things beyond that, which would affect her mere survival.. it had to do a lot with how a society looked at a ‘woman whose virginity has been compromised’.. some people used to look at it like a ‘free for all’.. which is sad. those attitudes used to make it difficult for her to live a life of dignity, and hence she would rather walk into death than put herself in a position like that. just one of the reasons.. things are not all that bad now..

    though very recently I was talking to a friend who’s been through a nasty divorce after a marriage where she suffered domestic violence and a big blow to her self-confidence over the many years she invested in that marriage. She’s back in India now and living with her parents in their home in Ottappaalam. And I could not believe how worried she was about people knowing that she is divorced. She fears unwanted advances from men and a lot of related concerns. The truth is, the stigma still exists with rapes and divorces, and it translates to existential issues to some people, depending on the environment they live in.

    Comment by usha — August 2, 2012 @ 19:51 | Reply

    • I know.. Even if they are able to come to terms with their tragedy, the people around will not let them forget it. So they need to hide it like some kinda criminal. Sad, really.

      Comment by Cris — September 16, 2012 @ 21:24 | Reply

  5. “The last thing I want to be known as is ‘The Girl Who Got Raped’. The big turn around you make in your head is from victim to survivor.”

    I loved this post. So well written.

    People who take rape as a light thing will realize only when the victim is their own family member.For that, ” Achan urangatha Veedu” is an eye opener.
    Kerala is an exception.We talk about literacy and education and standards and development and setting examples.But the place is full of perverts.Where in the world can you find people crowding at police stations and courts to have a look a the girl who was arrested for prostitution or was subjected to rape? It is not out of sympathy,but for sadistic pleasure.

    Comment by dr.antony — August 10, 2012 @ 19:06 | Reply

    • Yes but i am saying they should be able to take it lightly, not treat it as the end of all dreams and life… The victim is punished again by the society and the world around her and she ends up feeling guilty for someone else’s cruelty.

      Comment by Cris — September 16, 2012 @ 21:15 | Reply


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