Story of a lost journalist

March 12, 2010

On the move

Filed under: life,My Musing Moments,People — Cris @ 12:29

Moving is a funny thing. You think there is nothing more dull and mechanical than packing and moving a pile of your stuff. But if you do the packing yourself, and you are one of those sentimental types who keeps memories from yesteryears locked in shelves, then you are in for it – one of those really long memory rides that each letter or memoir or photo brings… who says there is no time machine. Your mind is the best time machine ever. It takes you to places, faces and times you completely forgot about. “Wow did I really do that… oh yes it was on that day…”

You literally relive those moments and you experience the emotion you did all those years ago. Whether it be happiness or gloom or hurt or excitement – you feel it like it just happened. And then you are left feeling really miserable. That’s when your time machine brings you back. You are sad the moment is long gone by. You are sad you are not that age anymore. You are not in that place and not with those people and not doing or feeling what you used to. You miss it. Funny thing is you had not thought about it all this while. And that’s when you realize with a pang – you grew up.

I have always thought that I was more or less the same for at least 10 years. But now I know I have changed – can’t say if it’s for the better or for the worse. When I see the letters I wrote, the diaries I penned, the way I thought… oh boy whatever happened to me in all these years. Even my handwriting was so different back in school. Sheesh what a horrible handwriting – my poor teachers. Now I write like a KG student in big round letters. Maturity shows in strange ways sometimes.

I somehow felt a yearning to go back to being the old me. But I want to keep some part of what I am now. Well the easier practical way would be to change now. And that’s where the problem is. I can’t.

Do people keep changing all their life? Or is there some saturation point? I have a feeling I have reached my SP. I mean what more can change? Looks of course will. I am expecting a good number of gray hairs by age 30 and a few wrinkles by 40. Hope to remain more or less slim throughout. But looks apart, can the character graph deviate any further? Can attitude? Can opinions? One hears of old people not ready to put away their prejudices cause their thoughts and faiths go too deep. Your thoughts grow deeper with you. When you are young, you keep taking it up and polishing it. But later you just let it rust or fix it so tight that you cant as much as touch it.

People are not what they used to be to you. You are not what you used to be to them…

And the thought processes. The most number of advices I have given is to my friend Gov. He knows them all so well he would finish my lines. “I tell you Gov, when a girl is 18….,” I say and he interrupts – “I know, she is mature and knows everything but a guy takes longer.”

Another favorite dialogue was on love. “Ah what boys feel at this age is nothing but infatuation. When you grow older you feel different. You won’t understand that now.”
I honestly believed that. Most of the thoughts I used to preach were more or less the same I do now. But back then I used logic after hearing stories. Now I use experience.

I still can’t decide when a person actually becomes the person he/she is for the major part of life. I mean when does a person become complete? I don’t mean elements like job, and marriage. I just mean literally – when?

Whoever said dwelling too much in your past is a bad thing? It makes you think, it makes you smile, it makes you emotional, it makes you wonder, it makes you philosophical and more than anything else, it makes you a human.



  1. wah! Sis, I go through the same emotions when I clean up my room once in a looong while. 😀 Flipping through the old school note books is one thing which can take me to the good old days. And for that single reason, I am keeping some of them still in my box of life’s collection. I seriously do have such a box! 😀 Much similar to the one Urvasi had in a movie. 😛 I suggest everyone must have such a box to study how we are evolving.

    Comment by Srijith.V — March 12, 2010 @ 13:26 | Reply

    • @Srijith: Seriously! I have old notebooks, uniforms, even a fees card and receipt. In that movie you mention, I felt nothing odd for her holding that box preciously. To them however, only gold should have such value. Sentiments should not! How rude.. Btw bro, study how we are evolving? ahem!

      Comment by Cris — March 12, 2010 @ 13:33 | Reply

      • oh i sooo second this thought.

        I mean, really really.. i never got what’s so wrong about that particular character wanting to hold on to things that are dear to her!

        Though I dont keep a collection of those sorts, for the simple reason that I guess it’s all way too senti for me even if I bump into some reminder of sorts from a long forgotten age.

        And while we are at it, I hated the way they made fun of Sonali Kulkarni’s fiance character in Dil Chahta Hai. I mean, poor thing, that one! what’s so wrong with him remembering anniversaries and leading his own lil disciplined life!

        Comment by usha — March 14, 2010 @ 21:18

      • @usha: heehee I dont remember that character but there is absolutely nothing wrong with remembering anniversaries! How rude! Just because he is not Saif!

        Comment by Cris — March 21, 2010 @ 19:18

  2. Touching post, though I can’t really figure out what exactly touched me. Very brisk, frank, and right on cue. I do trips down the memory lane once too often; old snaps, ID cards, stamp books, letters, books, greetings. All of them. Some memories hurt. Others are happy, but still hurt for the times gone by. I wish I could relive everything once again, but that obviously isn’t happening. I hope by the time I’m an old old old woman, I can look back and think ‘I lived well!’.

    Comment by Rasika — March 13, 2010 @ 01:02 | Reply

    • @Rasi: touche on the last line girl! Same here. 🙂

      Comment by Cris — March 21, 2010 @ 18:27 | Reply

  3. Cris,
    you seem to have a fixation about everything being constant and concrete!
    well, good for you.
    A person becomes complete when he/she realizes truth is incomplete.
    indulging in immaturity ‘n appreciating it is maturity .
    being you at the moment ‘n having no qualms about being another you, later in the day is growth!
    change is the only constant thing! change never changes!

    Comment by muralee maadhav — March 13, 2010 @ 12:44 | Reply

    • @muralee: I dont have a fixation on everything being constant and concrete. No no. That is not what I meant. I was only wondering at how much we change and how long years really are.

      Comment by Cris — March 21, 2010 @ 18:36 | Reply

  4. i think completeness is not a constant feeling, we can feel the completeness once, but we may feel that we r incomplete in the very next moment.

    Comment by anila — March 14, 2010 @ 00:31 | Reply

    • @ani: truth is I have never felt complete. And chances are I never will. Does anyone?

      Comment by Cris — March 21, 2010 @ 19:05 | Reply

  5. on the post>>

    i guess we never reach a saturation point as far as growth is concerned. For the simple reason that growth could be multidimensional. Yeah, ryt, horizontal and vertical, i know! 😛

    but Cris, I feel we should be grateful that we are capable of growing. It’s so easy to announce “That’s the way I am!” and refuse to see a new point or learn to look at things differently.

    If we are open and not prejudiced, we observe, we think, we learn and we grow. which is good.
    and Cheers to that!! 🙂

    Comment by usha — March 14, 2010 @ 21:24 | Reply

    • @usha: yeah I guess so. I hate that line “This is the way I am”. Especially when people say it grouchily.

      Comment by Cris — March 21, 2010 @ 19:51 | Reply

  6. I could so well relate to what you have written. Random things from the past, photographs, notebooks, drawings, gifts, remind me of the person that I was. And I love those moments of wistful nostalgia. I do not think we ever seize to change. We might carry forward certain traits with us, but our personality and thinking keeps evolving as we assume different roles in life. There will not be a point of saturation, or at least I hope not! 🙂

    Yet another delightful post! Enjoyed reading.

    Comment by Anand — March 15, 2010 @ 21:47 | Reply

    • @Anand: Thank you 🙂

      Comment by Cris — March 21, 2010 @ 19:52 | Reply

  7. moving?

    Comment by VK — March 16, 2010 @ 16:55 | Reply

    • @VK: Yep. sigher!

      Comment by Cris — March 21, 2010 @ 19:52 | Reply

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