Story of a lost journalist

April 28, 2009

The biggest 8-letter word I know

Filed under: My Musing Moments — Cris @ 18:27

Marriage.
8 letters. And yet, the word manages to end up the biggest word in every conversation I have. If you don’t know what could be a sure-hit conversation setter, try this – bring in a woman in her 20s who does not want to marry. In most cases I have to deal with, this woman happens to be me. so I never run out of ideas for conversation. Well, even if I most willing do, others around me do not.

I stopped trying to explain my no-marriage stand from a long time ago. Its just too alien to the world I have decided. People are just not ready to accept the idea. Tell them the ground below them is going to break open and the water is going to come out and flood the whole world – they will take it. But a woman who does not want to marry – no way!

Thing is I wish people would accept it like another thing they hear – just like you’d say “Teacher? No I don’t want to be a teacher. I’d rather be a cop”.

What does one reply to that? You don’t hear them say “you don’t want to be a teacher???” – followed by expressions of shock, disbelief – “Really? But why? What made you take this decision? What is wrong with you? Did something go wrong in your childhood? You need to see a psychiatrist! You need counseling!”

 

No. Because that is considered “normal” and a no-marriage stand is not.

 

Let me try explaining a few things here, though I might predict, none of them would be satisfactory.

You don’t want to marry? No

Why not? Not interested

Why not? Eh?

Why are you not interested? Cause I don’t want to.

Why don’t you want to? Its just not my thing that’s all

Why is it not your thing? Cause there are things I want to do, and this is not one of them

Why not? Eh?

 

You see – the problem with all these questions is – there is a lot too many why nots there! And I do not like it! If someone says someone is not interested to do something, why would there be a why to it? Its just not in their interest. Just like Bon Jovi’s songs may not interest someone. Or movies may not interest someone else. Or as strange as you may think it is, there are people who are not interested in music!

So there. I am back to stage 1. Where I end up having these conversations. And to think there have been times when I thought it would be so nice to be on a different line – the one less traveled like some poet wrote one day. Trust me ladies and gentlemen, it may not be a pleasant path, especially when you have every leaf, stone and bird on the other path asking you why you were not taking it!

(I had a conversation with a really nice man I respect a lot on this subject today. Though it gave me the idea to actually write about marriage, it is not at all about him that I write today. No he does not read this blog. But I had to write the after-word to keep my conscience clear.)

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12 Comments »

  1. heyy…welcome to he marriage woes club….i guess believe in wat you really believe in…n don take any crap that u dont want to….taz ma piece of cake.

    i shall try n readin ya older posts..though i know…ill take ages probably..nyways…good work…thanks for ur comment on the oxymoron…

    Comment by anjanagopakumar — April 29, 2009 @ 15:12 | Reply

  2. Saying No to something you really do not want to do is good. And, wonder why people keep on seeking reasons to something you do not want to do. Wish people are able to spell out a Big Vehement No when the world needs a No for an answer. Glad you have a No for something you dont want. Kudos

    Comment by sanjeev — April 30, 2009 @ 07:47 | Reply

  3. If you force the 8 letter word into people who don’t really want to, then the 7-letter response is sure to come along the way 🙂

    Comment by Nish — April 30, 2009 @ 15:06 | Reply

  4. Ente nottathil samooham kaalakaalangalayi pinthudarunna reethikale kannumadach pin thudarananu vyakthikal aagrahikkunnath. athanu easy way. aarenkilum vazhi maari chinthikkunnath angeekarikkan athukond thanne samooham vymukhyam kaattunnu.

    Comment by anila balakrishnapillai — May 1, 2009 @ 05:44 | Reply

  5. To consciously make a decision that would raise eyebrows of people who matter is tough. To keep following that decision and not falter away is the toughest!

    I too made a very firm decision, lately, to choose the road not travelled. I really hope I will continue to have the will power to entrench myself in that stand I’ve taken and not wither away.

    Great decision sis! 🙂

    My prayers are always with you, chechi! I’m DROP DEAD SURE that you’ll pull through all the obstacles and achieve your ultimate goal! 😀

    May the force be with you! 😀

    Comment by Hari — May 1, 2009 @ 06:35 | Reply

  6. hmm..i believe something important like a marriage should be done only if you have 100% commitment to it and should never be forced upon…and nish has said it perfectly why!!

    Comment by mathew — May 5, 2009 @ 18:36 | Reply

  7. I agree with you that you don’t have to do anything because others what you to or because it is the ‘done’ thing.
    But at the same time, I don’t agree to your analogy of ‘not wanting to become a teacher, but wanting to become a cop’. The correct analogy is ‘not wanting to become anything’. Not that I am saying that not wanting to become anything is bad, but if you say that the listener is naturally bound to be aghast.
    In the background of 8 blissful years of marital life, my recommendation also would be that you should marry. If you are not sure, take your time. But don’t be closed to you it; because you don’t know what you are missing.
    Good luck.
    Cheers,
    Salil

    Comment by Salil — May 14, 2009 @ 03:57 | Reply

  8. hey you’ve got a nice new place for yourself, here! 🙂

    n on the 8 letter word.. oh, trust me, girl.. by the time you reach 30, you’ll be so bored with it, that you wouldn’t feel anything if someone asks the same questions.. and also, the well meaning people will also get too bored of bringing up the same topic / getting the same old boring responses from you.

    nonetheless, its good to analyse why you dont want to get married.. not to give clarifications to folks, but just to get things cleared up in your head.

    sometimes, it could be a reason as simple as not having it in your list of priorities for now.. which should be fine, i guess. that’s what i tell myself! 🙂

    Comment by usha — May 30, 2009 @ 13:57 | Reply

  9. Word that gives me the shivers too when I think seriously about it, but then, I guess it’s not a totally useless thing:)

    Comment by nithin — July 7, 2009 @ 16:07 | Reply

  10. @anjana, yep thats the piece of cake I eat too 😉

    @sanjeev, thanks. It is a simple process, saying no I mean. I dont know what makes it so hard. But then I know that if I wanna change it later, I would do it too :D. Maybe others like to stick to their Nos so dont use it too often!

    @Nish, woah thats a neat line! I think I will quote it to whoever asks me next time!

    @anila, exactly dear. I know. But I am happy I am not bothered by what this samooham thinks, to do what I want to.

    @Hari bro, err well my idea is not exactly sticking on to something through thick and thin just because I chose it once. No I follow my heart and do what I want to and know is right, at least for me. So I say no now cause I know that is what is right for me. But 2 years later, if I dont feel so, I would change track – I dont believe that you should be stubborn about something because once upon a time you thought it was right. Follow your heart thats the key.

    @mathew, exactly the point I am trying to raise. Do it when and if you want to. Its a simple idea, people just think its not.

    @Salil, I am sure. I am sure I dont want to but I will not venture to say I will not want to for all the years of my life. And I am not afraid of this logic that if later I regret my decision it maybe too late. It doesnt work cause if I should feel like marrying its cause I fall in love and I would proceed with it no matter how old I am [provided its 2-way ;-)]. Its simple and straight logic.

    @usha, mm do we need a reason? Life is too good without it is reason enough aint it? 😉

    @nithin, hehe no its not useless. Most of the world is doing it, so there must be something useful in it. 😀

    Comment by admin — July 15, 2009 @ 03:24 | Reply

  11. the romanticised version of marriage is that it’s the decision of a man and woman to become “ONE!”
    trouble starts when they try to decide which one! isn’t it ?
    you don’t want to get married.
    you don’t want to be called seetha.
    period.

    Comment by muralee maadhav — October 23, 2009 @ 18:14 | Reply

    • @muralee, yea that was well-said 🙂

      Comment by admin — October 24, 2009 @ 04:57 | Reply


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