Story of a lost journalist

December 11, 2008

Secret to making good speeches

Filed under: Daily Rot,humor — Cris @ 00:28
Tags: , ,

I found the secret formula of making a good speech. You need to be born with an amazing sense of humour. And if possible, you should grow a beard. Beards have something to do with dealing with masses – Santa has one. And today I heard Richard Stallman talk, and Eben Moglen talk. They have beards too. I made another connection here. Cause wherever I see free software, I see big beards. If Santa has a computer, which latest movies say he uses to deliver gifts, he probably uses free software too. Or else he has got to explain the white beard.

The beard also explains why there are fewer women in free software. And people think its housework! Hah house or no house, get a beard and you are an FS expert.

Now coming back to speeches. Having lived a few years as a human being, I have found out one thing – humans hate listening. So speech-makers had a tough job ahead. Here was a bunch of people all ready with their nap-beds waiting for their lullabies and you had to keep them awake. You had to make them listen and you had to make sure they could think about what you say.

An average human, according to my analysis pays full attention to the first 6 words. And if you don’t grab his interest with these 6 words, you have lost him. He would turn his head to look at the pretty girl in front of him. And then he would turn his head to look at the unpretty chair at the back. After this, he would look up and count the threads in cobwebs. He would do everything except listen.

But bring in humour and bang he is back. Once he knows you are one of those unpredictable fellows who’ll crack a joke any minute, he will listen. He would not want to step away for a second and miss a funny piece.

And then of course there comes your tone and how you say things. But experts have already covered that. I will just say – talk soft, slow, with a lot of pause and of course – you have to talk not read, not recite. Its got to be a conversation or at least a narration.

The method I use is the opposite of all that I said now – I read or sound like I read, and I speak at 10 dB ensuring anything beyond 10 cms cant hear me breathe. That works fine for what I am looking for – namely no future invitations for speech-making.


  1. Oh! So true. I’m one of those whose sleep button clicks on when I hear a speech. The poor bugger wont even stand a chance, I’ll be out in 3,2,1, snap….I’m gone to fluffy clouds and talking horses. I even earned the nickname ‘Sleeping Beauty'(even though i’m no beauty) in college. BUT, if the talk is humorous…lo, and behold, u’ll see a miracle-me awake and listening. As for beards, really? I’ve found the clean shaven variety funny too(well, some!). Some from the bearded variety can be the sandman for all i know. But when it comes to me,giving speech, yikes! No way. Teaching classes is different, i don’t know why. Then again, in the hot summer afternoons, i’ve seen some of the bright young minds wage a war with their eyelids and go thru a balancing act right in the middle of the class. A regular snooze fest takes form. Of course, I let it slide-I’m not a hypocrite.

    Comment by M.Rose — December 11, 2008 @ 01:27 | Reply

  2. oronne kande pidichonde vannollum

    Comment by Vishnu Kuttan — December 11, 2008 @ 10:06 | Reply

  3. Hi dearo,you have been awarded 🙂 Please visit my blog..

    Good day

    Comment by Nimmy — December 11, 2008 @ 19:38 | Reply

  4. Speaking at 10 db ! That is indeed SOME strategy !


    Comment by Kavi — December 12, 2008 @ 20:53 | Reply

  5. You attended the conference? I wish I knew that earlier. I attended it too – as a matter of fact, we had a stall in the Expo under the name ‘ILUG Cochin’

    Oh, and Jimmy Wales had a beard too. Ok, that’s it – I’m growing one.

    Comment by Binny V A — December 12, 2008 @ 23:02 | Reply

  6. @M.Rose, really? I thought giving a speech in front of an audience didnt differ much from giving a lecture in front of a classroom. Any case, I am sure you make a great teacher – a teacher with good values was more important than one who spoke a lot! And I am sure the beauty in sleeping beauty stands true!

    @VK, hihihi but you agree?

    @Nimmy, thanks a ton dear! Do I put it as a post now? I never had an award before so not sure!

    @Kavi, it works wonders!

    @Binny, I was at the hotel all 3 days, didnt go the expo.

    Comment by Cris — December 13, 2008 @ 10:53 | Reply

  7. true true 🙂 humor makes a huge difference.
    During any occasion in our college, we used to go to hear our princi Bashku’s speech. It was so hilarious 🙂 even though he didn’t intend them to be.

    Comment by Aneesh — December 14, 2008 @ 02:12 | Reply

  8. Ah, Stallman!! Had a fun time with him! 😛 Got to click tonnes of pics too. 🙂

    You’ve a point, sis. But fact is, some people have a natural flair to public speaking. Only they get all the humor as extempore. For others (people like me), it’s an uphill climb. Climb to Mt. Everest, that is! 😀

    Comment by Hari — December 14, 2008 @ 02:30 | Reply

  9. Yup dear..Make a post on it and display the award(download /copy-paste it from my space) and you (if you like) display it on your webpage sidebar permanently…

    Hey hey,you have been awarded again.. 🙂 Come and grab it dearo 🙂

    Comment by Nimmy — December 14, 2008 @ 20:41 | Reply

  10. @Aneesh, your principal was called Bashku?? Poor guy, no wonder he ended up a principal. I think there is some sort of connection between bad names and principals

    @Hari, agree with that bro. I am in search of this flair now.

    @Nimmy, oh wow! Saw it! Thank you so much dear! Yipee I get to show off lots now!

    Comment by Cris — December 17, 2008 @ 00:33 | Reply

  11. I’ve been the (supposed-to-be)listener so many times in the recent past that I shudder at the thought of making a public speech now!
    beard?! wow! not I have something to blame for it!! 😀

    Comment by usha — December 18, 2008 @ 18:40 | Reply

  12. @usha, exactly my thoughts!

    Comment by Cris — December 20, 2008 @ 13:53 | Reply

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