Nervousness, a disease

Day before yesterday I started my new job. All of the night before that, I was a mixture of nervousness and excitement. Every 5 minutes I would squeal to my fancy pal Mr Jim, “Jim I am so scared” and then Jim would remind me “Cris you sound so girlish”. So I would change my tone to A-Schwarzenegger’s and say “Jhim I’ll be scared”

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(A-Schwarzenegger’s version)

So my first day… I reach the office gate and call my boss. He doesn’t answer. Since I did not know anyone else I was apprehensive about going in. So I fool around the gate a little and when passersby’s begin to get an idea of a female day-time burglar scrolling around suspiciously, I take a bold step. I walk in. There was a calling bell. Gulp all calling bells have this bad effect on me. Cause they meant only one thing – your call to conversation. So I willingly had to press that thing and invite people to see me, talk to me and make me talk back. In the third attempt of taking my fingers to the switch, I actually press it and the calling bell actually did some calling. This brought out person 1 to the door.

I ask my boss-enquiry question, person 1 gives the boss-enquiry answer and I wait. Now waiting is another scary activity. Cause you are expected to do nothing but wait. That means no havoc. Being havoc-prone this meant a lot of steps to be taken care of, for Clumsy Crissie – me. No breaking things, no making the place dirty, no doing anything but sit silently and wait. Ok I could do that. And I did. For some reason I did not want to sit. So I walk around, which meant I was breaking all rules of gentlemanly/ladyish waiting. I was being an impatient waiter. That’s what nervousness does to you. It makes you impatient.

In comes the boss and I try hard to hide my Dave Barry book inside the totally-torn bag (I had just noticed the totally torn state of the bag and this coupled my nervousness).

We enter the office, we meet people, we talk about work. And in all those hours, my nervousness was with me, on my right and on my left, on my top and all around! It was like I was trapped inside a bubble of nervousness. I needed air, I needed oxygen. I needed a big fat pin to break the bubble and get out.

Day 1 ended nastily. Day 2 we had a harthal. Day 3 I decide I am not fit to be in the neighborhood of walking and talking human beings (except when they are your Dad and Mom). I say sniff and I say sob and Jim says Cris it is girlish and I say go to hell Jim.