Story of a lost journalist

May 30, 2008


Filed under: life — Cris @ 11:23

I don’t know if it is a good idea to talk when you are a little frustrated. Oh well now that I started it, I might as well go on. My problem is not a new one. People have said this all over history and I have fought it all over history – well as long as I started to exist. “Girls never get close to each other like boys. No real intimacy.”

I hate it whenever I hear it, fact that I am a girl having “all” to do with it. And even though I know most other girls hate it too, sadly I have seen very little effort to disprove this notion. Not that this was something to be proven for the sake of proving – this was more about happening, or rather not happening. 

To make my meaning clear it didn’t matter if the whole world called us one big lousy batch, if only we knew among ourselves how wrong they were. But we don’t. And after a point of time, mostly after 17, people stop caring (is that too strong a word now? I run out of vocabulary when emotional breakdowns happen. I run out of vocabulary when no breakdowns happen too.)

Probably the little “gangs” of friends remained little gangs of friends. But there was no spirit of wholesome friendship anymore. I don’t know what I mean by wholesome friendship. Well if I called for an all-girls-I-knew meet for tomorrow, chances are I will go sip a coffee alone and come back. But if a guy called for a 10-guys-he-knew meeting, 9 turned up. Somehow or from somewhere they’d all pop up. 

I hated it when my Mom used to say “You just watch what’s going to happen. All this deep talk and passion of friendship. How long will it last?”

“I will show her”, I thought. Turned out I didn’t.

And there is this other theory. Girls, once they get married, are only concerned about marriage, no more about friends. Well that’s a theory which topped all nonsensical theories! I don’t believe one bit in that. ‘course your home and family was important. So, is there a rule written somewhere there should be only one set of things which are important to you at a time? What are we – people or time-n-people-divided machines I’d like to know! 

Ok the whole thing came up when… well when a lot of things that went around made me realize things change, people change. And probably I will too. But as long as I didn’t, I hated change, if change meant a whole school, class 1 to 12, which was once tied together, brought together at a later point of time, cannot afford to take notice of one another.



  1. So, is there a rule written somewhere there should be only one set of things which are important to you at a time?
    Difficult question! Mostly the priorities of life change with age for all of us….so leaving out the close relations like spouse, siblings or parents; other relations do change over a period of time….some strengthen whereas most weaken over a period of time….maybe that is life! 🙂

    Comment by sajith — May 30, 2008 @ 23:09 | Reply

  2. That is a good topic that you have picked. I am not too sure if your theory about changing sets of priorities apply only to girls/women. It does affect boys/men too. I for one have given a lot of thinking in this area. I think girls/women are more susceptible and the variations in the sets of priorities are less subtle in their case more because of the social framework than anything else. Even in developed countries where equality of women is an accepted ‘theory’ a women always (almost) has to make adjustments/sacrifices to accommodate her family life. People expect women to cook, clean, wash, take care of kids, maintain household. Even in developing countries where men share in these responsibilities women are still expected to do most of this stuff. This after-marriage case that I mentioned is only an example to the stereotypical images of women that exist in society. Then another reason is because of the different levels of actual freedom. I can go out anywhere in this city at any time of the day and nobody would say anything and nobody would care. It would be different in the case of a women. Even though women have equal freedom, society places some un-written boundaries for the actions of women (which I would think is an evolutionarily advantageous restriction during the past). There could be additional psychological reasons and biological reasons which I am unaware of..

    Comment by Minking Than — May 31, 2008 @ 01:08 | Reply

  3. @Sajith, I believe thats totally upto us – choosing our priorities and keeping relations alive. It only seems impossible because its been assumed so for ages
    @Minking Than, I wasnt talking about married women alone. And I as a woman, I wouldnt say all women are like that – but its depressing to see women pass from one stage to another leaving a lot behind forever and forgetting all about it. It is not about how busy you get or what life you have ahead, its all about attitude. Having no time is the lamest excuse since you always find time for things you really want to do. So its just down in your priority to keep up with old friends, not any other way.

    Comment by Cris — June 1, 2008 @ 00:12 | Reply

  4. I was not talking about married women alone. Like you said – when you call girls for a meet – how many of their parents would allow them to travel to another city for the meet? I still think it is the need in the girl/woman to fall in line with the expectation of the society on their behavior and the imaginary boundaries and duties imposed upon them by the society.

    Comment by Minking Than — June 1, 2008 @ 00:44 | Reply

  5. That is one point, but I was talking about the mindset rather than the difficulties. Say all 10 girls are in town and free on a weekend, there’d still be 1 or 2 turning up. I was talking about girls losing interest in their past dealings and relationships faster than guys.

    Comment by Cris — June 1, 2008 @ 12:20 | Reply

  6. Oow!! A serious thought from you!! But i dont think its a girlish isssue! Boys do ‘forget’ their past often.. I dont have any serious link with my school friends , apart from a very few that happened to be my neighbors or came to same college with me.. And if i call a get together with my school mates , i am sure out of 20, only 3 or 4 will come. I am sure as we tried for it last month. But if a guy called for a 10-guys-he-knew-“NOW” meet , 15+ will come for sure!! Including friends of friends… The stress is for the word “NOW”

    Comment by Srijith — June 1, 2008 @ 13:11 | Reply

  7. i liked the topic.. so thot i too wud scribble something on it.
    for one u wudnt find a girl without one on her left or right.. it struck me wen i landed here. I guess a gal friend is more than just a friend, in this society a gal friend is also protection. So present relations have to be kept strong and long distance/old relations lose prominence… guys hav no such issues at all… then there is also the fact tht ur focus on life changes after marriage and family takes prominence.. so friends all out and family in… for guys work and other manly activities are still important so they wud stick to their friends..
    my thots:) always open to debate…

    Comment by lakshmi dev — June 5, 2008 @ 14:19 | Reply

  8. @lakshmi dev, very true. Another point I have felt strongly about – many girls see girl friends as means to go to places with – to walk and talk with in the present environment and drop off when they reach another. A mere companion so you are not alone in doing things, and not a friend. People confuse the 2.

    Comment by Cris — June 5, 2008 @ 16:26 | Reply

  9. @Srijith, thats a new thing. I wrote this post when a boy I knew was meeting most of his mates from school that day after a long time. I was surprised they could arrange it in such short notice and was very much awestruck by their attitude. They didnt see it as a big deal, they just saw it as something they do cause they like to do it. Simple and yet so great.

    Comment by Cris — June 5, 2008 @ 16:29 | Reply

  10. I can’t believe we scribbled some what similar thoughts around the same time 🙂 Well to start, i always thought all friendships are and should be like the 3 stages i believed in. But after marriage i constantly talked to my wife about friendship and maintaining it.. well we began as friends 🙂 so i had to… Even though she tries to maintain friendship, i felt in general the response from her venetian counter parts were not that strong… I got the same kind of deal from my very venetian good friends in college.. Ms.Chris you are in a minority, we need more gals like you 🙂

    Comment by aneeshji — June 21, 2008 @ 08:45 | Reply

  11. @aneeshji, yes that is a sad reality I had come to learn now! Sigh

    Comment by Cris — June 22, 2008 @ 00:17 | Reply

  12. It is not just about Girls.. it is very much humane..

    In life the priorities changes..and when you dont want Priorities to change.. Change your life.. That is my theory..

    “I hated it when my Mom used to say “You just watch what’s going to happen. All this deep talk and passion of friendship. How long will it last?” I have reasons to believe our mothers went to the same school 😛 .she told me excatly the same words….“With my life.. I am proving her wrong..”.:)

    Comment by Javed Miandad — February 3, 2012 @ 06:03 | Reply

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