Story of a lost journalist

April 2, 2008

My Musing Moments

Filed under: My Musing Moments — Cris @ 23:50
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Time for some serious, thought provoking, mature talking! I have realized that I haven’t been dedicating a lot of time to what I call “my musing moments”. My musing moments is meant to discard all elements of imagination from my mind and dwell on realities. For that simple reason, I find it extremely hard to fulfill it. It’s like reading newspaper for me. It is something I have to do.

Today’s ‘My musing moments’ are about, well, lets call it – about what is best for you. Now I am no professional career guidance expert. It is just what I think about things. Ok. The whole matter in one line is “Do you like what you are doing with your life?”

I must have got 100 different responses to that. “Yeah sure” or “No not really” or “Lets say I have no choice there” and many more. Now when I talk about this, there is good reason to suppose this has something to do about me resigning a good, safe, well-settled job. And what was the answer I gave when they asked me why I did this? I said I wanted to be a writer. Some people laughed, some people raised their eyebrows, some people wouldn’t believe me, most people totally disapproved and some people asked why I couldn’t do it in my free time.

Writing for me is not a hobby. I should say not just a hobby. Now when I make such a deal out of this, people get the idea I have faith that my writing will be loved. I don’t. In 2 or 3 lines this is how it stands – What I write may look mediocre or bad or the worst they have ever laid eyes on to people. I accept that. But the single thing that is important is – you feel good when you are doing it. I feel good when I write. I maybe good, I maybe bad but I feel good. I think that’s what connects each person to what is best for him or her. You get a sense of belonging, you feel everything is in place, that this is just the way things should be. I am not sure if everybody can relate to what I mean.

Choosing a career with all these said traits of feeling good and belongingness may result in a lot of suffering. The major being poverty of course! I for one cannot except to be liked by anyone just because I like doing what I do. That is a huge risk and like many people tell me, it is probably outright stupid. So what is the other option I have? Remain in a job I didn’t feel I was any good at, stay frustrated and unhappy and make money. Sure I will always have enough money for my needs and probably the needs of my near and dear ones. And that makes a really noble and unselfish person out of you.

I did not want to be selfish. But I had to make a choice. It was either a safe career and a sure source of income for the rest of my life or a totally unsure future of doing what I love best. It was either staying in a boat watching the deep ocean of blue and lovely water in front of me or taking a jump into it. I jumped. And I may very well drown. I could be right, I could be wrong. But I knew I had to do it; and when you know something so well you had to do it. And though it may sound exceedingly dramatic I’d say this – I’d rather die as a 32 year old, totally penniless and starved having spend a few years writing and earning nothing, rather than a rich 70 year old who got every luxury and gave everything to her family all her life selling her mind to a place it did not belong to.

I know I will probably hear people tell me this is what I’d feel now, but when I actually pass through those hard stages of no money, I may not feel the same way. I don’t have the experience or knowledge to prove otherwise. But if I don’t take a chance to know what is out there in that ocean, I’d never taste the water and see the fish. You had to jump into the water to know how to swim. You’d never learn if you didn’t jump.



  1. u continue to impress me.. i didnt expect anything like this when i came in today.. u shud try more of this serious thought provoking stuff..
    most people wuda wanted to do something like this, but no one goes ahead and does anything like this.. so all the best n churn out more like this one.. (u r under pressure to raise the bar 🙂

    Comment by suresh — April 3, 2008 @ 04:20 | Reply

  2. Good attempt. Successful in thinking and writing serious matters. I loved the frankness , the feelings and the languange.Keep writing.

    Comment by Anita — April 3, 2008 @ 22:53 | Reply

  3. Thanks guys but it was a tough one for me. Serious thinking is not my line. And I hope I practise all I preach!

    Comment by Cris — April 5, 2008 @ 03:04 | Reply

  4. kweeki…..
    you are one the best-est person i have ever know. i miss you when i realize you are not there anymore in IM window. I miss you when i realize that i cant access GTalk thru this client window. I miss you when i walk around in B wing third floor and realize that your seat is occupied by someone else.

    but i admire you for your brave and bold decision.

    take care kweeki…
    be in touch…

    Comment by bwo — April 7, 2008 @ 09:55 | Reply

  5. thanks bwo a lot 🙂 heck a lot more than a lot 🙂

    Comment by Cris — April 27, 2008 @ 08:45 | Reply

  6. Hey! I know what that feels like. I am transiting through a tough phase too. But, what keeps me going is the knowledge that some day all this will pay off. If this is what you want to do, you have no need to be apologetic about it. All the best for the road ahead. The first person to stray off the beaten track always has it tough but remember that it is this person who gets all the credit for making a new way.

    Comment by Amrutha — June 20, 2008 @ 14:01 | Reply

  7. @Amutha, thanks, I hope it pays off for me too. And yes, someone has to set the trend. 🙂

    Comment by Cris — June 22, 2008 @ 00:36 | Reply

  8. I know it is late by more than 2 years, but still couln’t help commenting on this post.
    You just spoke my mind.

    I have just reached a saturation point, and am quitting my job to take up my passion.
    Yes, poverty is staring at me, but I have gathered the couraged to say ‘Go to hell’

    BTW, it was just yesterday I discovered your blog, and am absolutely loving all (well, most of the) posts.

    Great going.

    Comment by Sreejith — July 10, 2010 @ 15:45 | Reply

    • @Sreejith, thank you. I wish you’d say what it is you are chasing after. But let me tell you, it is the greatest feeling ever to go after what you know is your calling. After two years, I still hold it as one of the best things I did for myself. Good luck to you. Hope you would find success and happiness in your chosen field.

      Comment by Cris — July 16, 2010 @ 01:18 | Reply

  9. “What I write may look mediocre or bad or the worst they have ever laid eyes on to people. I accept that. But the single thing that is important is – you feel good when you are doing it. I feel good when I write. I maybe good, I maybe bad but I feel good.” 🙂

    You jumbed into the ocean you started swimming and suddenly you stopped. Are you helping yourself to drown!

    Read this blog Cris.. Hope it will motivate you..

    Comment by Javed Miandad — January 18, 2012 @ 08:39 | Reply

  10. Hats off Cris!! Loved it 🙂 Keep writing and we will keep reading!!

    Comment by Vivek Damodar Ranjan — July 1, 2012 @ 12:33 | Reply

    • Thank you Vivek 🙂

      Comment by Cris — July 1, 2012 @ 13:34 | Reply

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