Story of a lost journalist

August 17, 2006

To my dear daughter…

Filed under: Fiction — Cris @ 18:56

It seems like yesterday I found that the yellow frock I got for her was too large. She was so tiny. She always was. Atleast it seemed that way to me.
Flashes crossing my mind as I think of her now…

I distinctly remember her 10th birthday.. She had worn a navy blue frock I got for her on the previous day. I felt she seemed unhappy that day. I thought it to be some kind of childish thing. But later when she confided in me I was a bit taken aback.
“Momma I have been thinking.. When someone says he loves you a lot, he may not be sure of it right? Cause he might change his mind later..”
“Dear is this about a boy? Now my dear you are really too young to even be talking about this..”
“No Mom it isnt about a boy. It is about all humans. And anyway I am never going to have a boy friend.”
“Whys that”
“Boys are really kids Mom!”
Haha. It was good to hear a childish reply in the end. But sigh she is so right! Not just boys! All men are!

That was the last birthday I got to choose a dress for her. She wouldnt let me get clothes for her after that! Sigh children grow up so fast…

The next thing that comes to my mind … oh I felt so insulted that day.. but I should have known better than to kiss the forehead of a 13 year old girl outside her school… She pushed me away and ran away.. I felt horrible… She later came to my room, cried a lot and kissed me lots… She said lots of sorrys… in the end she told me “But dont ever do that again Mom!”. I laughed…

Just at a stage when I thought she is not talking as much as a girl should talk to a mother, she came running to my room weeping like a baby one day. She must have been about 14 then. Should check my diary. This time I thought it should be a boy no doubt. But I was wrong..
“Oh Mom its so cruel…”
“What my dear what happened”
“Its horrible Mom its horrible..”
I let her cry on my lap for sometime.. It took her a while to speak.. in between her sobs… I felt so sorry for her
“The poor kids Mom..all those poor kids…”
“Kids? What kids?”
“At the orphanage.. We were taken there from school today… I felt so horrible Mom… They have nothing to eat.. nothing to wear.. Oh Mom its awful…”
She started crying again…Suddenly I felt a deep sense of pride… My daughter was growing up into a wonderful girl…

I knew she was seeing someone at 17… I hated it when she talked in whispers over phone for long hours.. I could sometimes hear giggles.. I so wished I could change myself into one of her girl friends to whom she seemed to confide everything.. It pained me that I wasnt my daughter’s best friend…
I guess I forgot I was a teenager once… I simply wanted to know everything that was happening in my daughter’s life.. That doesnt make me a nosey parker does it?

But she never kept that distance girls keep from their mothers during adoloscence. She was always right next to me… she told me things.. I never felt I didnt know my daughter well enough… I knew what had to be known.. even when she didnt tell me everything…

I had trust in her. I knew she was clear in whatever she was doing. So when she told me about adopting a kid from orphanage I didnt say a word against it. She was just 20 at the time.
Later she told me about her plan to open a kind of nursery for little kids. I knew she was doing the right thing again.
I knew she contributed as much as she can to orphanages now and then. She never bothered to tell anyone about it.
My daughter was doing big things…

She is 23 now.. And tomorrow my daughter is getting married. She is going away from this home.. to a world of her own.. I knew I was happy for her… But I suddenly felt lonely… She was always in a different world.. She cared for everyone… With tears blurring my vision, I found myself wanting to be that kid she was raising.. I found myself wishing I were my daughter’s daughter..

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4 Comments »

  1. nice one there crissie….liked it a lot 🙂

    Comment by just a jester — August 27, 2006 @ 06:36 | Reply

  2. Cool one Cris…really a good one..
    By the way I liked that last line very much

    Comment by Nick — August 30, 2006 @ 09:02 | Reply

  3. Nice story all along. Good narration of emotions. And that last line gave it a fine ending. Keep going on… 🙂

    Comment by InTeGeR — February 22, 2007 @ 18:53 | Reply

  4. You very well understands a mothers heart it is clear in every line.. Wonderful post.. Really wonderful… Touched my heart…

    Comment by Javed Miandad — January 5, 2011 @ 01:33 | Reply


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