Story of a lost journalist

January 31, 2012

A thing for architects

Filed under: Jim and Me Conversations,Jim and Me Conversations — Cris @ 15:46

I was watching this movie 500 days of summer with fancy pal Jim.

Me: Jim I like this Gordon guy and you know what I just realized?

Jim: It’s unfair that a fella like him should get a gorgeous girl like that?

Me: No. I just realized I have a thing for architects.

Jim: You do?

Me: Gordon here acts as an architect you see. Then I liked Ted Mosby and what is he?

Jim: An architect?

Me: Yes! You see the connection here?

Jim: Hard to miss Cris when you put it like that.

Me: But there is a problem.

Jim: What?

Me: I wouldn’t understand much of what architects say.

Jim: Ah but you don’t understand much of what anyone says anyway.

Me: Ah yea, there is that.

January 28, 2012

Seas and stars n all that

Filed under: Jim and Me Conversations,Jim and Me Conversations — Cris @ 23:54

I wouldn’t have thought the sea waves at Shanghumugham could sprinkle water so far away. For I was at this sand hill way far, watching the orange sun and the tiny crescent of a moon play hide and seek – when one appears, the other hides under the clouds. But when I licked my lips I could taste salt. Yum!

I planned to walk cause the breeze seemed unwilling at first to …

“Oh lord would you stop already?” fancy pal Jim raised his sleepy head.

“What?”

“All this stuff about breezy seas and starry nights. Haven’t you been writing too much about all that already!”

“But it’s fun stuff. You should listen to the lazy breeze slowly get up from the north… err south… err ahem, a faraway point and bring their tiny little… err”

“Asses?”

“Jim! Language! This is a universal blog, I don’t wanna certify it with an 18 plus!”

“Right! And what about the north south wind? Oh wait, it was a far away point rite? How romantic, how poetic!”

“A minor vocab handicap”

“Of course. And the salt part of it was?”

“The description. Ye always describe every taste and smell and sight when… err when…”

“You try to be Mills and Boons?”

“I wasn’t! Argh! I had some serious stuff coming up. But now cause you interrupted, no one will ever know how good that was going to be”

“Let me help you out here Cris. Inject some more waves, some music, some twilight darkness, a few couples walking hither and thither holding hands, while you slip into a world of imagination…”

“Ok ok I get the picture. Hmm maybe I was overdoing it a wee bit”

“Wee bit?! Cris, you forgot what an unmushy world was like!”

“That bad?”

“That bad”

“Okay then! No more mush!”

“No more”

“No more lovey dovey cushy tushy stuff”

“No Sir”

“No sun or moon or stars or sky”

“No breeze either”

“No beaches, no buses”

“No… err why buses?”

“You like them?”

“Very friendly beings if you ask me. Keep honking and hopping all the time.”

“Creative little things aren’t they?”

“Creative, yes. Little, not. But ye they are the best”

“Hail buses!”

“Hail buses!”

“From now on we write about buses. And bus stops. And bus bays. And bus conductors”

“Err we?”

“Of course Jim, we love ‘em”

“Oh we do, but writing – you do. I will do the sulking.”

“Oh really? In that case I am bringing back the seas and skies and trees and all!”

“You will, will ya?”

“Yes I will. Unless you agree to do half the writing.”

“Half?”

“Half. 50 per cent. One by two.”

“Woah considering your number of words, that’s long!”

“Yep”

“Emm Cris”

“Yes Jim?”

“Maybe the nature thing is not so bad after all. Ol’ Wordsworth did it, didn’t he?”

“Sure did.”

“And people love Wordy”

“Oh yes they do”

“Maybe the universe is not all that bad then. I mean what harm could a few waves and tiny bits of sand do?”

“As I said, creative little beings those things are.”

“Friendly too.”

“Oh yea, very.”

September 24, 2011

Spying

Filed under: Jim and Me Conversations — Cris @ 19:09

Fancy pal Jim had just woken up from a 10 hour siesta.

Jim: I’ve got a hell lot of things to tell you

Me: What is it?

Jim: What? Do you have to know everything right away?

Me: Okay, tell me tomorrow then.

Jim: I will think about it.

Me: Oh come on, what else have you got to do?

Jim: What? You think I sit doing nothing all day?

Me: Yep

Jim: Have you been spying on me?

August 12, 2011

Jim the blogling

Filed under: Jim and Me Conversations — Cris @ 01:46

I had no idea people liked this bummer here so much. Am talking about fancy pal Mr Jim. I shove him off the blog for awhile and I get queries about his well being. They say bring him back.

Jim: hee haa told you I was popular

Me: you! Didn’t I tell you this blog is off limits for you?

Jim: sorry dear they miss me. Apparently they don’t seem to show the same interest about you

Me: hey I am your creator!

Jim: ye ye my one handicap

Me: But seriously would you believe it – I dumped you for three years!

Jim: Says who? I ran away

Me: Yea? And I suppose you lived in someone else’s imagination?

Jim: Actually Cris, it is the other way around

Me: What do you mean?

Jim: I am the real one here and you were part of my imagination.

Me: Indeed?

Jim: Yes, you see there is a whole real world in blogosphere. You are external to it, you earthling. You are an alien here. I imagine you here.

Me: So you are a blogling?

Jim: Very much. In a blog world, lives bloglings like me. You earthlings don’t!

Me: Ha! So what are you going to do? Chuck me out?

Jim: Tempting, very. But you seem to miss the point. This is the moment of realization where you finally understand the truth. That you are no one here. You don’t belong here Cris!

Me: And you are overdoing it. Where are the other bloglings then?

Jim: In other people’s blogs of course. In yours, there’s only me. And occasionally the characters you drop in like old Al.

Me: Interesting.

Jim: Now Cris, if you don’t mind, I’d like some peace and quiet here. So I’d prefer it if you gave it a rest and came back much later.

Me: You are chucking me out of my own blog?

Jim: Don’t make me call our president.

Me: And who is that?

Jim: Prathibha Patil’s fancy pal

Me: Ah

Jim: I like to do things legally you see. So if you don’t comply, I call the authority.

Me: You have cops too in here?

Jim: Ye but only good ones.

Me: Why?

Jim: The bad ones don’t have time for fancy pals. Rather I hear they kill their own fancy pals.

Me: Can’t blame them

Jim: I will pretend to ignore that. We also have our own lawyers. I could file for blogo-defamation

Me: And put me in a blog jail

Jim: I might put you in blog-guillotine

Me: Heh… ve-very blog-funny Jim.

Jim: so you planning to stay?

Me: No. I remembered I have a busy life outside

Jim: Ha scared are ya? No worry I will see you later. I’d like to read what fancy-Rowling has created in her blog-fantasy novel.

Me: Woah you are complicating it.

Jim: Aren’t you off yet?

Me: I am! Adios

Jim: That takes care of her.

November 16, 2010

Memory Bravery (not an apt title, but it rhymes)

Filed under: Jim and Me Conversations — Cris @ 00:23

I suffer, I suffer.

“From what milady?”

Fancy pal Jim popped up from nowhere, I should find out how he does that (and stop it!).

“It is a disease Jim.”

“Does it have a name?”

“Ye some call it amnesia, some call it dementia, some call it alzh… alzh.. err it is complicated”

“Gotcha. You lost memory”

“I did not! Just a wee bit on the outer side.”

“It has sides?”

“Oh yea it is a huge mass which comes with an inside and an outside.”

“Really? Enlighten me.”

“You see, the inside is like a bank. You save your best moments in there. So anytime you want to have one, you unlock it and get one out.”

“So the outside?”

“It is the less wanted ones, like the stuff you carry in your purse – bus tickets, chewing gums, bills, you know the lot.”

“So why worry? Better to have it erased aint it?”

“No! You never know when the bill would come back to you and say ‘Remember me?’”

“Or it could say ‘how you doin’ “

“Jim you are missing the point.”

“Oh right. You would not remember the bill.”

“No and it becomes harder when, unlike your purse, the ‘outside’ of memory holds people.”

“You forgot people?”

“Not all of them.”

“Oh yea, you forgot Bill.”

“Come on I am serious. There are these people Jim, I know I have seen them somewhere but I can’t place them. And problem is, they remember me!”

“I get it. It is what I call the debtor’s theory. People always remember their debtors, but debtors never remember people.”

“Jim”

“Ok ok you have no money”

“Jim!”

“I mean no debts”

“Better.”

“So what is the trouble”

“They smile, I smile. They call by name, I smile. They ask questions, I smile.”

“A little too cheerful perhaps.”

“What is happening to me?”

“You must be dying.”

“No I am not!”

“Oh well, no harm in hoping.”

“That’s it! You are dead.”

“Hey but I am your pal. Remember me? The good-lookin guy called Jim…… Ooooooooooouch!”

June 11, 2010

Conversation between Me and Mo

Filed under: Conversation — Cris @ 22:52

So I see this mosquito playing around and I try to clap my hands – with it in between. I miss as always. The mosquito, who shall be known henceforth as Mo, flies away and finds a spot on the roof to rest.
Me: Hey come back here, it is my job as a human to kill you
Mo: And it is my job as a mosquito to escape humans and bite them hard when they are not aware
Me: That’s not your job! That’s your life!
Mo: Our job is our life
Me: Ha! That is the only job you mosquitoes do! Look at us – some of us are journalists, some docs, engineers, artists, singers, office people. What kinda jobs have you got? All of you are just biters! And not even specialized. Only human biting!
Mo: Yea but we are all just mosquitoes. We aren’t Hindu mosquitoes and Muslim mosquitoes and Christian mosquitoes
Me: Oh… you got something there. Tell you what, you will be the hero of my next story.
Mo: You humans are pathetic! You make everything a story!
Me: That’s cause we happen to be imaginative! How do you think you could talk now?
Mo: Uh… an undiscovered talent?

October 19, 2009

Hail sleeping

Filed under: Jim and Me Conversations — Cris @ 14:29

Fancy pal Jim and I at one of our idle hours. Yea, we got plenty of them.

Me: Hey Jim
Jim: Yea
Me: I made a discovery
Jim: Mm?
Me: You know about sleeping
Jim: Yea I happen to know a thing or two
Me: Ahh then you should know too
Jim: What?
Me: It is a very nice thing
Jim: Oh that. Yea I knew that
Me: Really?
Jim: Oh yea, knew it even as a child
Me: Good for you! Took me so many years
Jim: It is the sun
Me: The sun you say?
Jim: The sun I say
Me: What did he do?
Jim: He rose
Me: He shouldn’t have, bad thing to do that
Jim: Very
Me: But sleeping, that’s a nice thing
Jim: Very very nice
Me: Angelic
Jim: Most wonderful thing on earth
Me: Not like the sun?
Jim: Not at all like the sun. It rises
Me: Wakes people?
Jim: Exactly those who don’t want to wake up
Me: Very nasty
Jim: Very very
Me: Wish we could hide it somewhere?
Jim: The sun?
Me: Yea
Jim: Should be a little difficult
Me: Well you know for the sake of sleep-loving nice innocent humans
Jim: Worth a shot
Me: May be some day
Jim: Yea some day
Me: Cause now is of course sleep time
Jim: When is it not?
Me: Ah that’s the beauty of sleep. No fuss. It comes any time
Jim: No siree no thing like sleep
Me: Hail sleep
Jim: Hail hail sleep
Me: Hail sleee.. uhh…zzzzzzzzz
Jim: Hail hai…. Snoreeeeeeee

August 2, 2009

Argh

Filed under: Jim and Me Conversations — Cris @ 02:11

Fancy pal Jim is hitting my head
Me: What are you doing?
Jim: I am hitting your head
Me: Ohh
Pause
Me: Why are you hitting my head?
Jim (a little too happily): Cause I like it
Pause
Me [Aside]: I hate rational answers

November 1, 2008

To dentist we (dont want to) go

Two conversations. Err dentists or docs, please skip this. No defamation charges shall be accepted.

Scene 1: Jim and Me in living room, today

Me: Jim, I am going to die

Jim: Oh?

Me: Yes. Next week.

Jim: Oh?

Me: I am against suicide

Jim: Oh?

Me: So I am appointing someone to kill me

Jim: I cant

Me: Eh?

Jim: I’d love to help you Cris you know I always do. But I don’t like the smell of blood

Me: Thank you Jim but you don’t have to take the trouble

Jim: Oh is there a back up killer?

Me: There is only one. My dentist

Jim: Oh he is not going to kill you. He will just drive some screws into your jaws

Me: Thanks a lot Jim! That helps!

Jim: Oh don’t be a baby Cris, its no big deal!

Me: But it is! What if he was bored and thinks a root canal will be a fun thing to do?

Jim: Err Cris

Me: It is possible you know. Half the time dentists do things out of sheer boredom.

Jim: I don’t think root canal is a fun thing for dentists either. Monopoly maybe.

Me: You are missing the point. We are talking about me, remember! Solve my problem first.

Jim: You could choose not to go.

Me: I cant. The pain is killing me.

Jim: You could distract yourself. Read Calvin

Me: How? Stick it to the roof?

Jim: Oh I didn’t think of that. Oh yeah mp3 player

Me: Jim! Well that is an idea. But he might confuse it for his stethoscope and throw water at it.

Jim: Dentists throw water at stethoscopes?

Me: All the time. They throw water everywhere, into your mouth, onto their knives and even the nurses.

Jim: Why nurses?

Me: Identification I guess. To know them from patients.

Jim: Oh. Maybe they like gardening.

Me: So coming back to my problem

Jim: Oh forget it Cris, lets just eat for now

Me: Hmm easy for you to say you cavity-less creature!

Jim: One day Cris one day I will get it too.

Me: Don’t worry, I will take you to a doc. Unless you like to stay alive a little longer?

 

Scene 2: Monday morning, coming Monday morning

Me: I have got 2 cavities

Doc: 2 of ‘em?

Me: Yes can you tell me if I will need root canalling?

Doc: Hmm you just might

Me: Oh I don’t want to die so young

Doc: Root canalling does not imply suicide as is the general conviction

Me: No I know

Doc: Good

Me: Its willful murder

Doc: I beg your pardon?

Me: I am letting you kill me.

July 29, 2008

Conversation with a chocolate.

Filed under: Conversation,Imagination — Cris @ 02:57
Tags: , ,

The nice little chocolate no one took out of the Cadbury box stayed gloomy till the hands of Ms Cris had reached it.
“Oh dear Cris, please have me. No one ever wants to have me. Sniff, sniff, sob and sob”
“Sure no probs, come on take a leap to my hands”
The little chocolate, lets call it Chocky climbed happily and burst out singing.

“Today today is the day,
I am I am released.
And I owe it owe it to
Dear dear Ms Cris”

“Uh what is with the double-words?” Ms Cris asked
“That’s to make it poetic. That’s how we chocolates write poems you know”
“Ah. Your favorite hobby?”
“Yeah when we are not getting eaten, we write poems”
“Amazing”
“Oh dear Cris, you don’t know what this means. The only way a chocolate can have salvation is by reaching a human’s stomach”
“Hmm you should rephrase that to going through a human stomach. There is no guarantee you will remain there”

Chocky broke out singing again. “Today today is the day”
“Ok ok little guy, relax! We will take you in now, shall we? You ready?”
“Aww Cris is it time already?! Wow I feel like I am about to get married!”
“Sheesh! More of that and I will put you back in the box!”

Ms Cris took Chocky towards the mouth, but decided to sniff first.
“Oh wow you smell real good!”
“Oh Cris you are making me blush now!”
“Ok ok in you go. Lets take this conversation up from inside my stomach now”
Ms Cris opened her mouth and in went Chocky.

“Oh Cris you have such a beautiful tongue”
“Err thanks! Why don’t you go talk to your other fat chocolate friends down there?”
“Aww Cris it feels so good to melt here. You know how to treat a chocolate nice!”
“Err don’t you mind getting crunched? I kinda feel odd biting a friendly little fellow like you”
“Odd? Cris this is the first step of salvation. Its like when yogis meditate you know. We are in touch with peace”
“If you say so. Strange way your system works”
“Maybe one day you will be a chocolate to a bigger system and you will know what I mean!”
“What?! Getting chewed up?! No thanks, I prefer natural death!”
“Oh well I guess everybody is not that lucky. Alright Cris I am leaving your mouth now. Going to meet other friends you salvaged down there. You will bring more wont you? Help all of us in our cult?”
“Sure sure. Always glad to help, err, salvation. Nice talking to ya Chocky! Have fun!”

Ms Cris then eyed a big fat one in the box. She could hear loud screeches of “Choose me, please choose me”, coming from all corners of the box. Which one to choose, she wondered, hmm the fat one, she decided. But this story doesn’t end in a tragedy. For every one of those little fellows, fat and small are going to be treated fair and square by dear Ms Cris and they will all find salvation. They now sang in chorus

“Today today is the day,
I am I am released.
And I owe it owe it to
Dear dear Ms Cris”

And Ms Cris sang

“Today today is the day,
I turned fat and squat,
Thank thank you guys
For making me so so”

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